[Beefy 1965]

My 1st girlfriend ditched me when I was 15 and I was heartbroken for months. Saw her last week. She works in a petrol station near me. Even now; after all this time; when I see her, I can't help it. I just keep filling up !!

[Dingle-Dingle]

What nationality is Santa Claus?

North Polish.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

People act like the North Pole and the South Pole are exactly the same, but really, there’s a whole world of difference between them.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I nearly got knocked off my bicycle by a council salt lorry today.

"You idiot!" I shouted through gritted teeth.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Tampax have announced that they are removing the pull string from their product and replacing it with tinsel.

This is for the Christmas period only.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

One Christmas, a mother asked her young daughter if she could name two of Santa’s reindeer.

“Rudolph and Olive,” replied the young girl confidently.

“Rudolph and Olive?” said the mother, quizzically. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, mommy, Rudolph and Olive. Like in the song.”

“The song?” asked the mother. “What song?”

The girl sang, “Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows. Olive the other reindeer....”

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Santa comes down a chimney one Christmas Eve and to his surprise finds a gorgeous brunette waiting for him, wearing the sexiest lingerie imaginable.

"Santa," she purrs, "Can you stay for a while?"

Santa says, "Ho, ho ho! I've gotta go! Have to deliver toys to children, you know!"

She comes close, starts playing with his beard, whispers in his ear, "Santa, don't you have a gift you would like to give me?"

Santa says, "Ho, ho, ho! I've gotta go! Have to spread Christmas cheer, you know!"

The brunette takes off her straps, giving Santa a view of her breasts and says, "Santa, are you sure there's no gift you'd like to leave?"

Santa says, "Hey hey hey, might as well stay. I can't get back up the chimney this way!"

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

What’s the most disappointing thing for a man on Christmas morning?

When he gets a sweater, but he’s hoping for a screamer or a moaner.

DD

[Ska'dForLife-WBA]

An American tourist travelling through Yorkshire comes across an old man sitting at the roadside with a stall.
"Hey, what're you selling?" he asks.
"Learning pills," replies the Yorkshireman.
"Learning pills? Gotta have some of those! Give me three packets!"
"Right, that'll be fifty pounds."
"Fifty pounds?!" the American shouts.
"Well, they *are* learning pills."
Grumbling, the American hands the money over, tears open the first packet and empties the contents into his mouth. Seconds later, he spits them out.
"What the hell?" he cries, red-faced. "This is sheep shit!"
"Aye," says the Yorkshireman. "Now you're learning."

[Dingle-Dingle]

Have you heard about Adolph, the brown-nosed reindeer?

He can run as fast as Rudolph, he just can't stop as fast.

DD