[Dingle-Dingle]

What do you call a badly beaten Batman??

Bruised Wayne.

DD

[drewks]

Good news for insomniacs:

Only 5 sleeps till Christmas!

[Dingle-Dingle]

The G/F made me coffee this morning and winked at me when she handed me the cup.

I`ve never been more scared of a drink in my life.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I showed this site to my Psychiartrist today, he wants to speak to you all......

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

This year I've had loads of requests for my vodka Christmas cake recipe so once again, here goes. Please keep it in your files as I'm beginning to get tired of typing this up every year! (Made mine this morning).
1 cup sugar
Half pound butter
1tsp baking powder
1 cup water
1tsp salt
1cup brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
Nuts
1....bottle vodka, large
2 cups dried fruit
4 cups self raising flour
Sample a cup of vodka to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the vodka again to be sure it is of the highest quality, then repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again
At this point, it's best to make sure the vodka is still Ok
Try another cup just in case
Turn off the mixer thingy. Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the fruit off the floor, wash it and put it in the bowl a piece at a time trying to count it. Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver
Sample the vodka to test for tonsisticity. Next sift 2 cups of salt, or something. Check the vodka. Now shit shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table
Add a spoon of sugar or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over
Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the feckin window. Finish off the vodka and wipe the counter with the cat.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

My Doctor has diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation.

I`m scared shitless.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

A survey has reported that people who sleep with their pets get less allergies, it also helps the immune system, and they live longer.

Bullshit.

I tried sleeping with my goldfish and I nearly drowned.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

We are having a Brexit dinner this year.

It`s like Christmas dinner, but without Brussels.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Be extra careful on the roads with Christmas just around the corner.....

A lot of men will be drinking and letting their wives drive.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Kim Kardashian tried to break the internet. She didn`t succeed, but she did leave a large visible crack.

DD