[wba1978]

Shamus is in court for beating his wife.
The Judge ask's,
"and how did you beat her?"
Shamus replies,
"with superior footwork your honour".

[silverbaggie]

Customer to Publican, "My wife and I just got into a helluva knock down fight".
Publican "What happened?"
Customer; "When it was all over, she came crawling to me on her hands and knees".
Publican: "Wow what did she say?"
Customer; "She said come out from under that bed right now you coward or I'll kick your flamin head in".

[Dingle-Dingle]

I went into Sports Direct on Tuesday and asked for some condoms and KY jelly:

"We are a sports shop." Said the assistant.

On Wednesday I asked for a dual action 12 inch black dildo, some anal beads and a gimp mask.

"We are a sports shop." Said the assistant.

So, on Thursday, I went in and asked for some love eggs and a whip.

Always with the same reply.

Today as I went in, the assistant took me to one side and said. "Mate, you keep coming in and it's getting embarrassing you know we are a sports shop, what the xxxx do you really want?"

I summoned up all my courage took a deep breath and said. "Can I have a Wolves home shirt for my Grandson please?"

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I just heard a woodpecker call me “a paranoid twat” in morse code!

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I don`t want to get technical or anything but, according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution. DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

"Alexa, turn on the BBC, I want to hear the news."

"You`ll have to pick one or the other".

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Just caught my Dingle in my zipper.
God it bloody hurts.
No more zip up boots for me.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Do you want to know the secret to making your woman go Mmmmmm Mmmmmmmmm Mmmmmmmmmm all night??
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.Duct tape. DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I said to the G/F "Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you’ve gone Gone Commando a few times."

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I tried Wookie meat today.
It was chewy.

DD