[Dingle-Dingle]

I tried that thing today at the petrol station where you try and stop the pump bang on what you want to pay, but let it go a fraction too late and it stopped on £20.01.
"Bollocks!" I shouted and walked into the shop to pay.
"Unlucky, mate," smiled the attendant, who'd seen what I'd done. "Don't worry about the extra."
"Cheers, mate," I said as I handed him £5 and walked out.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

As I watched the dog chasing his tail, I thought dogs are easily amused.
Then I realised I was watching the dog chase his tail.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

You should hear the noises my girlfriend makes during sex, it's quite embarrassing really.
.
The worst one is.....Bloody hell, is that the best you can do??

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

150 Lightning strikes a minute hit the UK last night, and not one of them hit my Ex. There`s no justice in this world.
DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Heatwave latest.....

Councils across the country rejoice as melting roads begin to fill in their own potholes.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

My Grandkids asked me what it was like growing up in the 60`s, so I took their phones away and switched off the internet.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I failed my audition for Romeo over a misunderstanding of a stage direction.
My copy of the script said........ "Enter Juliet from the rear".

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Don`t you hate it when you clean out your freezer and find people you don`t even recognise.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

"Watch what you eat", the Doctor said.
I`d like to see him tackle my G/F`s food without a blindfold.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Went to a library in London over the weekend, asked if I could get a book out, some stuck up geeza told me I had to prove I was a resident of London.........So I stabbed him.

DD