[talkSAFT]

....................no "Like" yet from BaggieVicar?

[Dingle-Dingle]

I woke up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and I noticed a Muslim terrorist sneaking through my next door neighbour's garden.
Suddenly my neighbour came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel, killing him instantly.
He then dug a grave and put the body in it and covered it.
Astonished I got back into bed.
Lillian, my lovely ex said, "Dingle, what is it?
"You'll never believe what I've just seen," I said, "that son of a bitch next door still has my shovel.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Paddy rings Murphy, "Hello. is that Ballypaddock one-one-one-one."
Murphy says, "Sorry wrong number. This is Ballypaddock eleven eleven."

[Dingle-Dingle]

Happy Birthday.

A multi-millionare had three sons, coming up to the first sons birthday he asked him what he wanted for his present.

The son asked for a train set, so his dad bought him the East Coast Mainline.

Come the second sons birthday he was asked the same.

I'd like a boat he said, so the old man bought him the QE II.

The third son, on his birthday asked for a cowboy outfit, so daddy bought him the Albion.

DD

[Stairs]

Paddy rings Murphy, "Hello. is that Ballypaddock one-one-one-one."
Murphy says, "Sorry wrong number. This is Ballypaddock eleven eleven."

 

Paddy rings Murphy, "Hello. is that Ballypaddock one-one-one-one."
Murphy says, "Sorry wrong number. This is Ballypaddock eleven eleven."

"Oh" says Paddy "Sorry to have disturbed you"
"That's OK" says Murphy "The phone was ringing any way"

[bomberbrown1968]

My g/f asked me to go out and get something for Christmas that makes her look sexy..

so I'm out at the pub getting drunk.

[Foxman_WBA]

Came home from the pub drunk the other day and the Mrs was really upset and demanded consoling

So I smacked her with my Xbox.

[Dingle-Dingle]

It's always flattering to be told you have a nice arse.

Unless it's during a prostrate examination.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

A recent article in a Wolverhampton news paper reported that Nancy Dingle is suing New Cross Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he had lost all interest in sex.
A hospital spokesman replied:
"Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery.
All we did was correct his eyesight."

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest,... but explaining they were not actually a dating agency. DD