[Dingle-Dingle]

The 25th of June has always been a strange day for me. Always takes me back to around 10 years ago to this day. I was about to propose to my girlfriend (had the ring in my pocket) when a mate, who I was living with, Joseph barged into the room out of nowhere, tripped and fell over, breaking the glass table with his face. It was was pretty nasty and totally ruined the mood!

Now, I didn't know Joseph THAT well, don't even remember where he was from, but let' just say I had to put my plans on hold to get him to the hospital and then help him through his injuries afterwards. Bless me!

Joseph had got a big glass shard in his eye, making him completely blind in that eye. He was walking around with one of those cotton pads on his eye for a couple of months! Then suddenly, he disappeared, along with my girlfriend...?

Apparently they'd bonded during the time after his injuries, and ran off together, left me behind without as much as a text. I tried to find out where they went, but never could.

In conclusion, if it hadn't been for cotton eye Joe, I'd have been married a long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, cotton eye Joe?

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

When I was a kid, my parents would always say, "excuse my French" just after a swear word......
I`ll never forget my first day at school when my teacher asked if any of us knew any French.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Got a letter today from the Police saying they want to interview me......
Funny thing is, I can`t remember applying for a job with them.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I`m getting quite concerned, think I may have to go to the Hospital.
I swallowed an ice cube 2 days ago and haven`t passed it yet.

DD

[silverbaggie]

A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked," Sir would you like to buy a new toothbrush for £10."

Aghast the man said "I should think not, that's daylight robbery".

The salesman seemed hurt " Well then how a bit of homemade chocolate cake for 5p?"

That seemed fair and the man handed a 5p piece to be salesman.

Unwrapping the cake he took a bite.
"Urgh" he cried, "this cake tastes like shit".

"It is" replied the salesman "Want to buy a toothbrush?"

[Dingle-Dingle]

My neighbour just walked past with two dogs.

I said, "I didn't know you had any dogs."

She said, "They're not my dogs, they're my sisters."

I said, "Wow, your sisters are nearly as ugly as you."

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Taking my dog named Shark onto the beach was not a good idea........

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Just watched Rocketman. Not what I expected at all. Not a mention of Neil Armstrong or NASA, it's all about some overdressed bloke who sings songs and takes it up the..... DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Last night my neighbour, Dave came home drunk and banged on his front door for like 5 minutes. Problem is he lives alone, so I went outside and told him he wasn`t there. He left and I haven`t seen him since.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Driving down the motorway in my Lamborghini when I was pulled over by the police.

The officer approached the window and said, smiling "Do you know why I pulled you over"?

"Because I xxxx let you" I replied.

DD