[Dingle-Dingle]

Hi, so I'm here to say goodbye to this group which I love so much. My partner says I'm in this group every 2 seconds and she can't stand it anymore. Well we argued and she told me to choose between her or the group....therefore I'm gonna be offline for a couple hours, while I prepare her luggage and call her a taxi !!! I'll be back shortly.

DD

[Arcane Astral Aeons]

I had a terrifying dream last night, I was drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda and ginger mermaids kept trying to rescue me. It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.

DD    

Very very poor  

sparkling post DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

My partner and I were so proud of our daughter standing in front of us after puting on her Wedding Dress.
"Give us a twirl," said my partner.
The proudest moment of my life and all that fat slob wants is chocolate!

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Watched a film last night about 1950's dance crazes.
Brilliant film with a great twist at the end.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

BBC News: Rare Picasso sells for £106 million.
Who the xxxx would pay that for a Citroën?

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

A teacher asked her young class how many of them were Jeremy Corbyn fans.
Not really knowing what a Corbyn fan was, all the children raised their hands except for Little Johnny.
The teacher asked Little Johnny why he hadn’t raised his hand - he said, "Because I'm not a Corbyn fan."
The teacher then asked, “Why aren’t you a fan of Corbyn?" Little Johnny replied, “Because I'm a Conservative."
The teacher asked, "Why are you Conservative?”
He said, “Well, my Mum’s a Conservative, my Dad’s a Conservative, so I'm a Conservative."
Somewhat rattled by this answer, the teacher said, “If your Mum was a moron and your Dad was an idiot, what would that make you?”
With a big smile, Little Johnny replied,
"That would make me a Corbyn fan.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

A recent survey has revealed that seventy-five percent of thirteen-year-old Wolverhampton girls go out binge drinking on regular occasions.
I find that absolutely disgraceful.
I mean, who the hell is at home looking after their kids??

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

The police called to tell me that my G/F was in the hospital.

"How is she?" I asked

"Critical," said the officer.

"What's she xxxx complaining about now?" I asked......

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I always carry a banana in my pocket because I think it would be pretty cool if some gorgeous girl ever came up to me, winked, and said suggestively, "Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?".
Then I could reveal the banana with a flourish and say "It's a banana in my pocket" and then she'd walk away disappointed and I'll never have sex and I haven't really thought this through and I xxxx hate bananas anyway.

Fool old people into thinking they've had a growth spurt, by secretly cutting 3 inches off their walking sticks during the night.

UNSURE why crocs have holes in them? Simple,it is to allow your dignity to freely flow out

CHILDREN’S ice lollies offer refreshing temporary relief from piles if inserted gently. Just make sure you don’t return them to the freezer when you’re done with them, the kiddos may mistake it for a flake.

Help end world hunger, poverty and war by simply winning a beauty pageant

Saw two girls at the bar last night, so I approached the one and said, “Can I borrow your lighter mate?”
She said, “I don’t smoke.”
“Neither do I,” I replied, “I want to dance with your fit friend, you tubby xxxx.”

My G/F needed something to cheer her up…That’s why I surprised her with a bukkake party. Everyone came. You should’ve seen her face.

I knew that I had a drink problem when my piss began to smell of alcohol. I knew that I was an alcoholic when I discovered that it tasted like it too.

Anyone notice the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?

I wonder if Hitler would have been nicer to everyone if just once in a while someone had High-Fived him back?

Calling out your ex-girlfriend’s name during sex is a nice way to show your current girlfriend that you won’t forget her either after you leave her.

Beefy says he has the body of a Greek god…Sorry pal, Buddha wasn’t Greek.

Haikus are fun / But sometimes they make no sense / Refrigerator.

These bacon sandwiches are beautiful said Pooh . Aren't they Piglet : ............Piglet ? Piglet.?

CAN’T be arsed with cooking? Grab a wooden spoon, write a number on it and walk into a pub.

As the dog sat watching the orchestra, he stared at the conductor and thought…“Just throw the xxxx thing.”

For all those calling for "Fathers Day" to be called "Special Person's" day, you already have a day of your own. It's April 1st.

Why do speed walkers look like kids who are told not to run around the pool?

Michael McIntyre mugged, now he knows how I felt when I brought tickets to see the unfunny xxxx live.

Brought the G/F a hula-hoop, it xxxx fits!

. If you see anyone crying, ask them if its because of their haircut

People with one syllable names totally ruin the Happy Birthday song

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I picked up a hitch-hiker last night. He seemed surprised that I`d pick up a stranger and asked "Thank`s But why would you pick me up.? How do you know I`m not a serial killer"?

I told him the chances of two serial killers being in the same car would be astronomical.

DD