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The Off Topic Thread
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19-10-2017, 12:10
Anyone who says an onion is
the only vegetable that can make you cry... has clearly never been hit in the face by an uncooked turnip....!!!!!!.. DD 
Ubique.
21-10-2017, 01:33
My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them.
I did that and I feel much better now. But I am wondering....... Do I keep the letters? DD 
Ubique.
21-10-2017, 11:58
Paddy texts his missus:
'Mary I'm just having a pint with the lads, if I'm not home in an hour read this text again'
BLACK COUNTRY BY BIRTH, ALBION BY THE GRACE OF GOD AND MY OLD MAN
You go in the cage? cage goes in the water, sharks in the water....Our Shark  Ultrinque Paratus
25-10-2017, 12:48
Breaking news:
Liverpool manager has resigned !!! He's taking his family back to Germany. Yep, the Klopps go back this weekend........... DD 
Ubique.
26-10-2017, 13:21
I was at Asda to-day, this thick chav bitch was on the check-out, face like a slapped arse and all the charisma of a jellied eel. I came to pay, I had only bought milk and bread but had no change.
"£1.03 please" "Sorry this is all I've got," as I handed her a £20 note. "Haven't you got anything smaller, 'cos it will take all my change, and I don't wanna count out £18.97?" she replied and pulled a stroppy face. "I've got nothing, if that helps," I replied...she didn't get it so I thought sod it, I'll pay by card. "Shall I pay by card?" I asked. "Don't do me no favours," she snapped. I kept my cool and just put my PIN in. "Cash back?" she asked sarcastically. I couldn't resist it... "Oh yes, £18.97 please." DD 
Ubique.
28-10-2017, 13:52
(This post was last modified: 28-10-2017, 13:53 by Dingle-Dingle.
Edit Reason: Fat fingers
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I RECENTLY had to use a public phone box in London, and was shocked to see a card advertising a 'Spanking by a naughty nurse, anytime'.
No wonder my mother has been waiting for a hip operation for 18 months when these so-called healthcare professionals are willing to abandon their patients at the drop of a hat in order to attend to someone's sexual lustings... Absolutely disgusting!! DD 
Ubique.
28-10-2017, 16:50
I was at the cinema with the G/F when I noticed a load of 50 pound notes on the floor. I picked them up and said to the missus,
"Here put these down your knickers until we get out," After the film finished and we got out I said to her, "Give me that money then." She felt in her knickers and said, "Oh my God! It's gone! It must have been that bloke sat next to me" "Furfucksakes!!!" I said "Why did you let some bloke put his hand in your knickers?" "Well, how the hell was I supposed to know he was a thief?" She replied. DD 
Ubique.
29-10-2017, 15:08
What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig?
The letter F. DD 
Ubique.
31-10-2017, 19:20
I’ve started building yachts in my attic....
Sails are going through the roof. There`s a word for combining Wine with Dinner....... It`s called Winner. DD 
Ubique.
31-10-2017, 20:56
Jehovah`s Witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween.
Apparantly they don`t appreciate random people knocking on their door. DD 
Ubique.
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