[Dingle-Dingle]

I think the G/F's got me a build-it-yourself real scale model of a horse for my birthday next month. I've just found a big piece of it hidden in her bedside drawer.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

To say North and Central Wales are more beautiful than the South makes it seem like you only care about looks, and not what's under Neath..

DD

[silverbaggie]

A teenage boy is invited for lunch for the first time at his new girlfriend’s house.

But he made some bad food choices earlier, and now he can’t avoid farting when they're all seated at the table.

The girlfriend's dad shouts at the large dog that is sitting under the boy’s chair: “Rex!”

Seeing that the father thought it was the dog, the boy is much relieved.

A minute later the boy has to fart again - and again audibly. The father snaps at the dog again: “REX!!”

The boy is relieved again that the father thought it was the dog.

Ten minutes later the boy farts again.

The father shouts: “Rex, come here at once before that boy craps on your head.”

[silverbaggie]

Q: Why is David Beckham like a Ferrero Roche?

A: They both come in a posh box.

[Dingle-Dingle]

A third tier German club has offered Ronaldo free beer for life if he signs for them.
For fox sake, do they not think he falls over enough as it is?

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

One rule for royalty and one for us commoners.
Got a ticket for undertaking on the M25
Running late yesterday and so I've opted to use the motorway instead of the A25. I joined just before they closed the slip road to allow a royal motorcade with Prince Charles and Camilla in heading to Cornwall...they were travelling along under police protection but so bloody slow.... They were doing 48 in lane three.. I waited and waited hoping they would move over. . Hoping they would speed up. But they didn't.. I got impatient and used lane 1 to pass them at 65 as they continued to do less than 50.. I then got Stopped by lead police motorcade biker.. He told me off and wrote me a ticket.. I asked "why?" He said its because i saw you "pass the duchy on the left hand side......"

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I couldn't remember the name of the girl sat opposite me so I asked what it was again.
"Jessica," she said. "Do you have trouble remembering girls' names?"
"Only the ugly ones," I said.
To cut a long story short, I didn't get the job.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Yesterday was a terrible day.

1St my ex got hit by a bus.

Then I lost my job as a bus driver.

DD

[silverbaggie]

During a blind date a man and a woman were telling each other something about their pasts.

The man said, "Do you know I found a genie once and he granted me a wish of either having a longer penis or a better memory".

"And which did you choose?" the woman asked.

A man replied "I don't remember".

[Beefy 1965]

Walked into B & Q this morning ...........
This bloke in an orange and black uniform asked me if I wanted decking,fortunately I got the first punch in and that was that but others might not be so lucky,so be on your guard