[Dingle-Dingle]

We've just come back from a holiday in Spain.
My G/F didn't really enjoy it, because everyone could speak English and all the food was like the stuff we eat back at home.

She said, "Next time, I want to go somewhere where they eat weird shit and you can't understand a word they say."

So I've just booked us a fortnight in Scotland...

DD

[BaggieSteve]

We've just come back from a holiday in Spain.
My G/F didn't really enjoy it, because everyone could speak English and all the food was like the stuff we eat back at home.

She said, "Next time, I want to go somewhere where they eat weird shit and you can't understand a word they say."

So I've just booked us a fortnight in Scotland...

DD    

Oi! Careful now!

[Dingle-Dingle]

I`ve woken up over 21,000 times and I still can`t get used to it.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

My G/F said, "You've never held the door open for me."

I said, "What about the time you threatened to leave."

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

These "energy saving" light-bulbs are bullshit.
They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones!

DD

[silverbaggie]

Five Blondes walk into a bar and sit down at a table.
After a few minutes they stand up and give each other high fives, and shout "50 days\" \"fifty days\".

The bar tender wonders what was that all about.
He goes over to the table and says \"what are you celebrating?"

One of the blonds says "we bought a jigsaw puzzle and on the box it said 2 to 4 years and we did it in 50 days.

[Dingle-Dingle]

Sorry Steve.

A married jock went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'
The jock said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance,
say five Hail Mary's and put £50 in the poor box.'
The jock left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'
The jock replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the £50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I received a letter from my doctor this morning telling me I am sexy and important.

But it turns out it says I'm dyslexic and impotent.!!!!!.....

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Let`s be serious for once..........

Did you know 63 Earth`s can fit inside Uranus.?

Uranus is huge, isn`t it?

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I put a post on the local community page today,saying that I'd found a rabbit in my garden,please contact me if you've lost one.

I'm still getting messages from women,asking what colour and size is it......?....?

DD