[Dingle-Dingle]

Won my first cage fight earlier tonight.

That budgie didn`t know what hit him.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Sources from Pyongyang have blamed North Korea's failed missile launch on a syntax error in its state of the art Commodore 64 computer system.

DD

[Stairs]

Aloudin has opened the door to the longer joke and so:.............

Man is driving through the back streets of a New York suburb and he spots a sign that displays "Talking dog for sale".
He has time on his hand and is intrigued by the sign. So he pulls up and goes to the house and knocks on the door - nothing.
After a while he walks around the side of the house into the yard and there chilling out, paws crossed in his kennel is a greying old black Labrador dog.

The man feels a little foolish but walks up to the dog, looks left and right to check no one is watching and then says - "hey, are you the talking dog?"
"Yeah, so what of it" says the dog.

The man says "Well thats something I've never come across and doubt many have. What's the story?"

The dogs starts telling him about his life "Well I was born a puppy out of a famous New Yorker Sniffer Dog. I took to the trade instantly. I was a natural, a huge success. I worked here at the JFK Airport. I was so good at sniffing out drugs and illegal substances at immigration that Drug Enforcement Agency got to hear about me and I was recruited.
I joined them to fight the war on drugs and taken down to South America the fight against the drug cartels. It was fantastic but very dangerous and more than a little scary. I bust a lot of family businesses up and on my journey home I managed to find a number of tunnels used for smuggling drugs under the Mexico/US boarder wall.
But after a while you nose gets a little confused and so I switched to explosives. I ended up in the Middle East. I did a couple of tours over there working with the British SAS and US Seals helping them hunt down Terrorist Cells, Ammo Dumps and the like. It was great buzzing around at low-level in helicopters and parachuting in behind enemy lines etc - But time waits for no man (or dog) and I had to come home and take it easy.
So came back to New York and I have been working with the Feds. This was just after 911 and so its been hectic.
Now I am retired.
This family have taken me in. I get fed and watered but it's not a great place to be. They have hit hard times and so I think we both feel that a change of scenery would be good for all of us"

Just as the dog finishes his story the rear door of the house opens and an unshaven man walks out and says 'hey man - what you doing in my back yard?"
The man explains that he had seen the sign and had walked around the back to check it out and says "A talking dog, wow, how much do you want for him?"
The unshaven man says "If you can take him now you can have him for 50 Bucks"
"What" says the man "only 50 Bucks"

"Yes" says the unshaven man staring down at the dog "He's not worth anything, he's a lying Bastard - he's done none of those things"

[drewks]

Aloudin has opened the door to the longer joke and so:.............

Man is driving through the back streets of a New York suburb and he spots a sign that displays "Talking dog for sale".
He has time on his hand and is intrigued by the sign. So he pulls up and goes to the house and knocks on the door - nothing.
After a while he walks around the side of the house into the yard and there chilling out, paws crossed in his kennel is a greying old black Labrador dog.

The man feels a little foolish but walks up to the dog, looks left and right to check no one is watching and then says - "hey, are you the talking dog?"
"Yeah, so what of it" says the dog.

The man says "Well thats something I've never come across and doubt many have. What's the story?"

The dogs starts telling him about his life "Well I was born a puppy out of a famous New Yorker Sniffer Dog. I took to the trade instantly. I was a natural, a huge success. I worked here at the JFK Airport. I was so good at sniffing out drugs and illegal substances at immigration that Drug Enforcement Agency got to hear about me and I was recruited.
I joined them to fight the war on drugs and taken down to South America the fight against the drug cartels. It was fantastic but very dangerous and more than a little scary. I bust a lot of family businesses up and on my journey home I managed to find a number of tunnels used for smuggling drugs under the Mexico/US boarder wall.
But after a while you nose gets a little confused and so I switched to explosives. I ended up in the Middle East. I did a couple of tours over there working with the British SAS and US Seals helping them hunt down Terrorist Cells, Ammo Dumps and the like. It was great buzzing around at low-level in helicopters and parachuting in behind enemy lines etc - But time waits for no man (or dog) and I had to come home and take it easy.
So came back to New York and I have been working with the Feds. This was just after 911 and so its been hectic.
Now I am retired.
This family have taken me in. I get fed and watered but it's not a great place to be. They have hit hard times and so I think we both feel that a change of scenery would be good for all of us"

Just as the dog finishes his story the rear door of the house opens and an unshaven man walks out and says 'hey man - what you doing in my back yard?"
The man explains that he had seen the sign and had walked around the back to check it out and says "A talking dog, wow, how much do you want for him?"
The unshaven man says "If you can take him now you can have him for 50 Bucks"
"What" says the man "only 50 Bucks"

"Yes" says the unshaven man staring down at the dog "He's not worth anything, he's a lying Bastard - he's done none of those things"

Stairs - that's bloody terrible!
COME BACK D.D. !!

[Dingle-Dingle]

I went to a café today and I was really disappointed with my all day breakfast.
I finished it in 10 minutes.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Just been to the toilet without my phone.........

There are 124 tiles in the bathroom.

DD

[BaggieMan]

Stoke fans are getting rather frustrated with the Fat Boy.

http://oatcakefanzine.proboards.com/thre...ino?page=2

Did we see them coming?    
Are we laughing all the way to the bank?

[drewks]

Stoke fans are getting rather frustrated with the Fat Boy.

http://oatcakefanzine.proboards.com/thre...ino?page=2

Did we see them coming?    
Are we laughing all the way to the bank?

Love this post on there:
There was no reason not to wait until the summer and get him for pennies. Then no one would care and there'd be no pressure to play him. His upside is his potential for the future but this league is all about the now. Walters would have buried one of those two FREE headers and Saido is struggling to locate his banjo let alone the cows arse, and shows no signs of anything positive besides running around to pressure. Hmmm doesn't Walters get slated for that?!

Actually, come on, we know he's a quality player - or HAS BEEN.......just needs to get his head/attitude right, surely?

[4evaabaggie]

Baggieman, I was going to say that this thread is for DD's jokes but when I thought about it that was the funniest thing I have read for ages ....... 15 million plus 20% sell on clause ..... we are laughing all the way to the bank.

---

Just done some research ....... the sell on clause is currently worth eight pence.

A lump of lard in tesco's is currently retailing at thirty nine pence so a fifth of that ....... eight pence

[Dingle-Dingle]

A prostitute visited a colleague in the hospital just before she was about to have a heart transplant.
Concerned about her friend's welfare, the prostitute went up to the surgeon and said, "Doctor, I'm worried about my friend. What if her body rejects the organ?"
The doctor replied, "Well, she's 34 years old and is in extremely good health, apart from her heart. How long has she been in the business?"
The patient's friend replied, "She's been working since she was 18 years old, but what's that got to do with anything?"
"Well," said the doctor, "if she's been working for 16 years and hasn't rejected an organ, I don't think she's about to start now!"

DD