[Dingle-Dingle]

When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkers saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman.
What a pair of sexists. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the bloody thing!

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Remember when you could have "A gay old time" sitting on a "Poofe" with a "Tranny" sucking on a "Fag" and no one got offended. DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

After a severe earthquake in Dublin, Ireland.
Rescuers were searching the rubble of a collapsed city centre hotel, when they heard a faint Irish voice shout "Help, help me!"
The rescuers shouted "Where are you?"
Paddy shouts "I'm in room 236.".

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Done my chores for the day. Just filled the dishwasher up...

......or 'made love' as she likes to call it!

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I'm thinking of applying for the new series of embarrassing bodies.

One of my testicles is bigger then the other two.....

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

When I was a child, I always used to search my parent's drawers and cupboards in the run up to Christmas so I'd know exactly what to expect.
Although I never did receive the multi-speed vibrating pleasure max 3000

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Just been to Tesco and swapped 50 raisins for 100 sultanas.

Can't believe the currant exchange rate since Brexit

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a bottle of malt whisky...
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love said to me, "Where the xxxx have you been for the last 3 days?"

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

At this time of the year it’s difficult to know what to say without offending someone.
So I’ve checked with my legal adviser and on his advice I wish to say the following to all friends and colleagues.
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practised with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practise religious or secular traditions at all.
I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2017, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great (not to imply that Great Britain is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.
By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:
This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.
Disclaimer: No trees were harmed in the sending of this message; however, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced.

DD

[talkSAFT]

At this time of the year it’s difficult to know what to say without offending someone.
So I’ve checked with my legal adviser and on his advice I wish to say the following to all friends and colleagues.
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practised with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practise religious or secular traditions at all.
I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2017, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great (not to imply that Great Britain is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.
By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:
This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.
Disclaimer: No trees were harmed in the sending of this message; however, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced.

DD    

F*ck off you puff