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I tried out this new Laxative yesterday.
It was very expensive but I got a good run for my money.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Did you know........................
An Australian kiss is just like a French kiss,
just down under!!

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I nearly became a Doctor...

When I was young I decided to go to Medical School.
At the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the letters PNEIS and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.


Those who answered SPINE are doctors today.

The rest of us are on Facebook . . . . DD

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Two women were talking about their lives since they had become Nursing home residents.
They both agreed that life was good but one woman, Ethel, said she was rather upset because her sex life had really died out since she and her Husband had come to the nursing home.
The other woman said that her sex life was great!
"The secret to great sex is this," the woman told her,
"when my husband is getting ready for bed, I get undressed, lay on the bed and put both legs behind my head.
When he comes out and sees me like that he gets so excited, we have wild sex the rest of the night!"
Ethel says,
"I'm going to try that tonight!"
When Ethel's husband is getting ready in the bathroom that night, she takes off all her clothes.
Although it's a struggle, she gets one leg up and behind her head.
Pretty soon, she has the other leg behind her head as well.
After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel falls backwards and can't move.
It's not too long before her husband comes out of the bathroom.
With a shocked look on his face, her husband yells
"For God's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in, you look like an asshole!"

DD

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I´m starting on a new diet next week called "Fillup"

I´m going to fill my car up so that I aint got any Money left to buy Food.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

It`s Movember.

   

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, 'You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.'

The cat thought for a minute and then said, 'All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.'

God said, 'Say no more.' Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.

A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat?

The mice said, 'Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller skates, we would not have to run again.'?
God answered, 'It is done.' All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.?

About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, 'Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?'?

The cat replied, 'Oh, it is WONDERFUL. I have never been so happy in my life.. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious!'

DD

[talkSAFT]

God only knows what persuaded Brian Wilson to go along with that pisspoor collaboration record. I never tired of hearing that great Beach Boys record, 20 times a year for nearly 50 years, but what a pile of shite the Various Artists' record is!

[Dingle-Dingle]

During a ladies examination the Doctor says "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the part that gets all you ladies into trouble". The lady starts taking off her Knickers but is interrupted by the Doctor. " No No just stick out your tongue". DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1958 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue.
He arrived at her house and rang the bell."Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's father said as he welcomed Fred in."So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?" he asked.
"Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop, maybe take a walk on he beach..."
"Peggy likes to screw, you know," Dad informed him.
"Is that so?" asked Fred, incredulous.
"Yes," said Peggy Sues' father. "As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!"
"Well, thanks for the tip," Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.
"Have fun, kids", the father said as they left.
Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.
"The TWIST,DADDY!" she screamed,. "THE DAMN DANCE IS CALLED THE TWIST!"

DD