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+----- Thread: The Off Topic Thread (/showthread.php?tid=42)
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RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 14-07-2015
Many women believe that a man`s ultimate fantasy is to have 2 women at once.
This is true but, 1 woman is cooking and the other is cleaning. DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 14-07-2015
I find it ironic that the colours Red, White and Blue represent freedom..........
Until they are flashing behind you. DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 14-07-2015
Back at the beginning of this century, a small town in Spain was twinned with a similar one in Greece and the mayor of the Greek town was invited to visit his Spanish counterpart. When he did, and when he saw the lavish home of the Spanish mayor, he wondered aloud how his host could afford such a place.
“See that bridge over there?” the Spanish mayor asked. “Well, the EU gave us a grant to construct a two-lane bridge, but by building a single lane one with traffic lights at each end, I was then able to buy this place,” he said, winking at his Greek peer.
The following year, the Spaniard visited the Greek town. He was astonished at the mayor’s mansion: marble floors, a Kallista Archeo copper bathtub, gold taps, Aresline Xten chairs, plasma screens, Sartori silk rugs, a Northland refrigerator, diamond doorknobs… it was simply incredible.
When he asked him how he’d made the money to build and furnish such an amazing house, the Greek mayor said: “See that bridge over there?”
The Spaniard replied: “No.”
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 15-07-2015
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives.
One woman said: “I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does.”
The second woman giggled and confessed: “I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft.”
The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked: “Say, what do you call your husband?”
She frowned and said: “The postman.”
“Why the postman?”
“Because he always delivers late, and half the time it’s in the wrong box.”
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 16-07-2015
Are you depressed??
Cheer yourself up by watching your Wedding video in reverse.
You will love the bit where you give her back the ring, walk back up the aisle, get into a car and F"£$ off.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 16-07-2015
Beefy, An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up.
He said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what's wrong with me."
"Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor, "Do you drink much?"
"Alcohol?" said Beefy. "I'm a teetotaler. Never touch a drop."
"How about smoking?" asked the doctor.
"Never," replied Beefy. "Tobacco is bad, and I have strong principles against it."
"Well, uh." asked the doctor, "do you have much sex life?"
"Oh, no," said Beefy. "Sex is sin. I'm in bed by 10:30 every night and I always have been."
The doctor paused, looked at Beefy hard, and asked, "Well, do you have pains in your head?"
"Yes," said Beefy. "I have terrible pains in my head."
"O.K.," said the doctor. "That's your trouble. Your halo is on too tight!"
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 16-07-2015
I`m great in bed.
I can sleep for hours.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 17-07-2015
What does it mean when Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin?? (Just asking for a friend) DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 17-07-2015
A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race come about?"
The Mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve; they had children and, so all mankind was made."
A few days later, the little girl asked her father the same question.
The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them."
The confused girl returns to her mother and says, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God , and Papa says we developed from monkeys?"
The Mother answers, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side."
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Salopbaggie - 17-07-2015
Sky Sports new advert, for once you can actually tell its the Albion.
https://www.facebook.com/SkySports/videos/10153416769283762/?fref=nf