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+----- Thread: The Off Topic Thread (/showthread.php?tid=42)
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RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 02-06-2015
Two cavemen walking along, one says to the other "shall we teach the women to speak?, what harm can it do!"
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 03-06-2015
Now on sale at IKEA.........
LESBIAN beds.
No nuts or screwing.
It`s all tongue and groove.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 03-06-2015
Combine meal time with a bowel movement by sitting on the toilet the wrong way. This allows you to put your plate on the cistern and enjoy your dinner while you dispose of the last one. DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - talkSAFT - 04-06-2015
(03-06-2015, 20:28)Dingle-Dingle Wrote: Combine meal time with a bowel movement by sitting on the toilet the wrong way. This allows you to put your plate on the cistern and enjoy your dinner while you dispose of the last one. DD
Good advice as usual, DD.
I wondered what those poncey serviettes were for.
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 05-06-2015
I´ve got to go for a prostate examination on Monday an heard that the Dr´s are all young student women so I made an appointment for the 8th, 9th 10th 11th and the rest of the month. DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 05-06-2015
What's the difference between America and a yoghurt?
If you leave a yoghurt for 200 years it'll develop a culture.
Also it comes fat free...
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 06-06-2015
If David Cameron fell in the Thames and you were the only person around who could help him......... Which pub would you go to??
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - talkSAFT - 08-06-2015
(06-06-2015, 11:40)Dingle-Dingle Wrote: If David Cameron fell in the Thames and you were the only person around who could help him......... Which pub would you go to??Don't know any of the pubs by the Thames
DD
but I'd get some champagne, and ask him if I could take a selfie with him (bit like at Mandela's funeral).
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 10-06-2015
If Star Wars had been filmed in Wolverhampton.............
Chewbacca would look roughly the same except he'd only be about 5ft tall, from Sedgley and called Dazza. He'd have the same amount of body hair but would also have tattoos, would permanently smell of drink and invariably sport a Wolves shirt from 4 seasons past and tracksuit pants.
R2D2 would refuse to go out on the streets after 10pm because of the number of drunks who would try to stuff chip papers/kebab wrappers in his head casing or urinate on him. He would also refuse to go near groups of teenagers at any time because of the high risk of being spray painted/dumped in front of a train or set on fire.
Although proficient in over 3500 languages C3PO would still be unable to understand anything anyone from Dudley said. He would regularly get beaten up for being a "Posh and from Tettenhall Wood ".
The Millennium Falcon would have go-faster stripes, tinted windows and extra flared exhaust ports. It would sport a free George Flag from The Sun newspaper and a bumper sticker stating My other space ship is a Ferrari.
Princess Leia would get captured by Darth Vader because it's hard to run very fast when you're wearing 5 inch platform heels and a tiny silver mini-skirt, which keeps hiking up over your backside every two steps whilst suffering from recent C-Section stitches. In addition, she has been a heavy smoker since the age of 6 and became a grandma at 29!
The famous bar scene full of weird drunken monsters looking for a fight, was actually filmed in The Apple Tree in Roseville.
Han Solo would be well known to the DSS for claiming disability in three different offices using the names of Landau Kallrisien and Bobba Fett!
The Storm Troopers would be re-branded the West Midlands Police. Whilst being on long term sick and still getting paid they would moon-light as bouncers in Walkabout.
Anakin Skywalker would appear on Jeremy Kyle to dispute his fatherhood of 2 illegitimate twins Luke and Leia. After a lie detector test he would accuse the Princess of the Empire of knocking about with Ja-Ja Binks when he was in jail..
OB Wan Kenobi would claim to have been on the train platform with Short Heath`s rebels that fateful day, when 2 intergalactic desperados from the East End of The Lunt tried to take over Wolverhampton .
The best way to destroy the Death Star would not necessarily be a desperate all out attack. An easy way would be: Leave it unattended in Willenhall, Wesnesbury, Bilston or The Custard Bowl ASDA car park. (delete as appropriate).
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 10-06-2015
An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked.
As they went along they passed some people who remarked: "What a shame, the old man is walking and the boy is riding."
The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.
Later they passed some people who remarked: "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." So they then decided they'd both walk!
Soon they passed some more people who remarked "They're really stupid to walk when they have a decent donkey to ride."
So, they both rode the donkey.
Now they passed some people who shamed them by saying: "How awful to put such a load on a poor donkey."
The boy and the man figured they were probably right, so they decide to carry the donkey.
As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the donkey and he fell into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story?
If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass goodbye!
DD