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+----- Thread: The Off Topic Thread (/showthread.php?tid=42)
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RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 15-03-2023
The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited. Their weekend homework was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship.
Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Guide cookies and I made £30" she said proudly. "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."
"Very good", said the teacher.
Little Debbie was next. "I sold magazines" she said. "I made £45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."
"Very good, Debbie", said the teacher.
Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "£2,467," he said.
"£2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"
"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.
"Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher. "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"
"I found the busiest corner in town", said Little Johnny. "I set up a homemade chocolate stall and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample." They all said the same thing; "Hey, this tastes like dog poop!"
I would say, 'It is dog poop. Want to buy a toothbrush?'
DD#No1
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 15-03-2023
Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck up a conversation. The Yellow Labrador turned to the Black Labrador and said, " So why are you here? "
The Black Lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything....the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."
The Yellow Lab said, " So what's the vet going to do?
"Gonna cut my nuts off " came the reply from the Black Lab. "They reckon it'll calm me down."
The Black Lab then turned to the Yellow Lab and asked "Why are you here "
The Yellow Lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owners' couch."
"So what are they going to do to you? " the Black Lab inquired.
"Looks like I'm losing my nuts too," the dejected Yellow Lab said.
The Black Lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked, "Why are you here?"
"I'm a humper," said the Great Dane. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat,a pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I see." "Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started hammering away."
The Black and the Yellow Labs exchanged a sad glance and said,
"So, it's nuts off for you too, huh?"
The Great Dane said, "No. Apparently I'm here to get my nails clipped!”
DD#No1
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 16-03-2023
The G/F just said "I don`t like thursdays, they are so depressing."
I said "Wait 2 more days, it will be a sadder day".
DD#No1
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 18-03-2023
The film crew of Great British Bake Off are upset about Alison Hammond becoming the show`s new host.
They are worried there will be no left over cake to share around.
DD#No1
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 19-03-2023
Friday night, Mick went to his friend George and said, "George, I need a favour - I'm sleeping with the bartender's wife. Can you hold him in the pub for an hour after he closes up?"
George was not very fond of the idea, but being Mick's lifelong friend, he reluctantly agreed.
After the pub closed, George struck up a conversation with the bartender asking him all sorts of stupid questions in an effort to keep him occupied. After some time, the bartender became suspicious and asked, "George what are you really up to with all this?"
George, filled with feelings of guilt and remorse, confessed to the bartender and said, "I'm sorry Dave, my friend Mick is sleeping with your wife right now and asked me to keep you occupied."
The bartender smiled and putting a brotherly hand on George's shoulder, said "Mate I think you'd better hurry home, my wife died two years ago."?
DD#No1
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 22-03-2023
With the increase in autonomous vehicles on the road, I`m wondering when the first Country song about a truck leaving it`s driver will be released...
DD#No1
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 23-03-2023
Spring is here.
I`m so excited I wet my plants.
DD#No1
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 24-03-2023
When you dream in colour, is it a pigment of your imagination?
DD#No1
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 24-03-2023
Was in Wolverhampton earlier and decided to go for a cheeseburger. I was given a beef pattie with 2 slices of cheese. Bit strange considering everything else there is inbred.
DD#No1
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 31-03-2023
The Lone Ranger and Tonto were travelling on a train when the Lone Ranger said 'Tonto, would you get me a glass of water'.
Yes kimasabe said Tonto and he came back a minute later with it.
The Lone Ranger drank it and said 'that was lovely, could you get me another?'
Yes kimasabe said Tonto and came back a minute later with it. The Lone Ranger drank it and said 'that was very refreshing but I would like another'.
Yes kimasabe said Tonto and went away. He returned 5 minutes later.
The Lone Ranger said 'how come it took you so long?'
Tonto said . . . . . .
Paleface sat on well.
DD#No1