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The Off Topic Thread - Printable Version

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RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 05-05-2021

Got pulled over by traffic cops yesterday. The woman PC toddled up to the car and said "We have reason to believe you may have been drinking. Can you say the alphabet starting with M"?

I replied "Malphabet"

DD Rolleyes Rolleyes


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 05-05-2021

Today I learnt that the average person consumes 9 alcoholic drinks a week.

I also discovered that I`m above average.

DD Blush Blush


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 09-05-2021

The only thing I take seriously in the newspapers these days is fish and chips.

And i take that with a pinch of salt.

DD Blush Blush


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 10-05-2021

I said to the G/F "Why do you keep buying houseplants just to end up killing them"?

She replied "To remind YOU what I`m capable of"

DD Confused Confused


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 12-05-2021

Once there was a wise old man, who told his wife nothing.

Because he was a wise old man.

DD Big Grin Big Grin


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 13-05-2021

When I was a baby my parents used to bathe me in cheap Australian lager.

It wasn`t until I was 18 I realised I`d been fostered.

DD Doh Doh


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 14-05-2021

"SHAG", funny word isn`t it.

To a carpet maker it`s a long pile rug.

To a smoker it`s a type of tobacco.

To an American it`s a dance.

To an Orinithologist it`s a bird.

And to you, ya ugly B`stard.........

It`s just a remote possibility.

DD Big Grin Big Grin


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 15-05-2021

I was watching TV and G/F said "There`s a documentry about the clitoris on the red button"

I couldn`t find it.

DD Whistle Whistle


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 17-05-2021

My mate Dave fell in Netherton reservoir and drowned.

I got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt.

It`s what he would have wanted.

DD Angel Angel


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 17-05-2021

They say that when you are not looking you will find the love of your life.

Certainly true for me, but by then I`d run her over.

DD Dodgy Dodgy