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+----- Thread: The Off Topic Thread (/showthread.php?tid=42)
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RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 21-01-2021
“When I was about 9 years old, I accompanied my father to the funeral of a friend of his, someone who I didn't even know.
When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the time to pass.
Then a man approached me and said, 'Enjoy life kid, be happy because time flies. Look at me now, I didn't enjoy it.'
Then he passed his hand over my head and left.
My father, before leaving, forced me to say goodbye to the dead person.
When I looked in the coffin, I was horrified to see that the man in the coffin was the same man who had spoken to me!
I was so traumatized I couldn't sleep properly.
I had terrible nightmares. I was terrified of being alone.
I couldn't sleep without a night light for many years.
I saw many psychologists, endured much turmoil throughout my adolescent years.
It got better as I aged, but I would still occasionally wake up screaming in fear.
Years later, I discovered something incredible that changed my life.
The dead f@cker had a twin.”
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 22-01-2021
My G/F phoned on her way home from work after a long day and asked me to run her some hot water and not to forget the bubbles. I`ve done that and even stacked the dirty dishes ready for her. I hope she will be happy, I love her to bits.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 27-01-2021
Did you know that some of the scenes in the Star Wars movies were actually filmed on Earth....
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 27-01-2021
RIP Dinosaurs.
Can`t believe it`s been 65 million years already.
Always in my thoughts.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 28-01-2021
Prince Charles is visiting a nursing home in Dudley. He asks a 93-year-old lady, "Have you been bed-ridden since you've been here?"
She replied "A couple of times but I prefer being shagged on the sofa!"
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 29-01-2021
My G/Father brought down 4 German planes in one day during the war. Probably the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 29-01-2021
Did you hear about that bloke who survived a Grizzly Bear attack by firing one shot from a .22 pistol?
His mate who he shot in the knee was not so lucky.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 31-01-2021
Been out in the garden today cleaning up after a long spell of bad weather., went to have look under the shed where a lot of the leaves gather and........
...........and welll I saw a pair of evil beady black eyes staring back at me.....
........It was quite unnerving,,,,,,,,,,,,
I thought I,d buried the Ex deeper than that..............
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 01-02-2021
My Russian friend got really sick one day...
...and had to go to a hospital. I went to see him the next day, but he just kept whispering “Вы стоите на моей кислородной трубке.” over and over – and then he died.
I was very sad and googled his last message after the burial. Apparently, it means “You’re standing on my oxygen tube.”
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Salopbaggie - 03-02-2021
A sexy Irish blonde at a Casino, seemed a little intoxicated
She bet 20,000 Euro on a single Roll of dice.
She said - "I hope you don't mind, but I feel Luckier when I'm nude."
With that, she removed her clothes, rolled the dice and yelled-
"Come on baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the Dice came to a stop, she jumped and yelled - "Yes, Yes,
I Won.. I Won.."
She hugged each dealer and picked up her winnings and clothes and left.
The dealers gazed at each other, dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked "What number rolled on the dice?"
The other - "I don't know, I thought you were watching."
Moral of the story:
1.Not All drunks are Drunk,
2.Not all Blondes are dumb,
3.But all Men are Men!!!