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+----- Thread: The Off Topic Thread (/showthread.php?tid=42)
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RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 14-01-2021
It`s so cold today that I have seen chickens queuing outside KFC for a turn in the deep fryer.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 14-01-2021
Young Dan, the village idiot, bought a donkey from farmer Giles for £100,
but the very next day the donkey died.
So he went to see farmer Giles and asked for his money back.
Farmer Giles said, "I can't do that as I've already spent it."
Dan said, "OK, then what I'll do is raffle him off."'
Farmer Giles said, "You can't raffle a dead donkey!"
Dan said, "Sure I can. Watch me, I just won't tell anybody he's dead."
A month later, farmer Giles met up with Dan and asked,
" What happened with that dead donkey?"
Dan said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at £2 each and made a profit of £898"
Farmer Giles asked, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Dan replied, "Just the guy who won, so I gave him his £2 back."
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 16-01-2021
That`s my first trip for 2021 booked. Off to Iceland in Feburary.
If that goes well will probably book for Asda in March and Tesco`s in April.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 18-01-2021
Got up at 5 am. 8 mile run completed. Got home and prepared vegetable smoothie for breakfast.
Can`t remember the rest of the dream.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 18-01-2021
I`m not praising myself but, I haven`t been in a pub once this year.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 19-01-2021
Next week is Diarrhoea Awareness Week. Runs until Friday.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 19-01-2021
If anyone’s struggling with home schooling, ring school and tell them your child has been suspended.
If they ask why say
"They turned up to the living room late, with trainers or boots on and a pattern shaved in the side of their head or an unusual colour hair, acrylics on etc. So they’ve been suspended"
They’re probably going to say
"Well it doesn’t effect their education" .............-
"But your school website says different"
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 19-01-2021
Just been watching the womens golf. Reflects life in so many ways.
Crap at driving, great with an iron.........
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Salopbaggie - 20-01-2021
Grandson said he just got awarded the Leslie Nielsen badge at school
I asked him “What’s that?”
“A big building with teachers and lots of kids. he replied "but that does not matter right now".
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 21-01-2021
Was in Morocco last year and one of the locals shouted out, "Hey English, I give you 20 camels for your wife".
I replied "Make it Benson and Hedges and you got a deal".
DD