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The Off Topic Thread - Printable Version

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RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 09-10-2019

My co-worker is unable to attend next weeks Innuendo seminar.
I have to fill her slot instead.

DD Doh Doh


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Salopbaggie - 09-10-2019

Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to a woman who was snoring and farting, it was so relieving to know I had made it home OK!

The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.

I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.

My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.

I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell bacon burning. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.

The missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 10-10-2019

Breaking news.

Man drowns after falling into giant vat of coffee.

His wife said "He didn`t suffer... It was instant.

DD Rolleyes Rolleyes


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 10-10-2019

Turn your ordinary sofa into a sofa bed......... Just forget your partners birthday.

DD Sick Sick


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 10-10-2019

They all laughed at me when I said I would discover the secret of invisibility.

If only they could see me now.

DD Tongue Tongue


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 11-10-2019

My boss said I intimidate my co-workers.
I stared at him until he apologised.

DD Whistle Whistle


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Baggiebob(BBB) - 11-10-2019

(24-09-2019, 01:09)Dingle-Dingle Wrote: I was doing a cross word in the pub and said to my Scottish mate “I’m stuck on one, trapped on a desert island, eight letters starting with M”
He said “Marooned”
I said “Thanks I’ll have a pint of bitter then”

DD  Big Grin  Big Grin

Don't get it Huh


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Arcane Astral Aeons - 11-10-2019

(11-10-2019, 13:07)Baggiebob(BBB) Wrote:
(24-09-2019, 01:09)Dingle-Dingle Wrote: I was doing a cross word in the pub and said to my Scottish mate “I’m stuck on one, trapped on a desert island, eight letters starting with M”
He said “Marooned”
I said “Thanks I’ll have a pint of bitter then”

DD  Big Grin  Big Grin

Don't get it Huh

marooned=scottish= ma round


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Beefy 1965 - 11-10-2019

You no the tune ...

They’ve been to Kazakhstan and Belgium, Russia in the snow, Scotland get battered everywhere they goooooooo everywhere they goooo.


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 11-10-2019

I just tried to join the Weight Watchers web site, they offered me cookies.

I think it`s a test.

DD Huh Huh