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+----- Thread: The Off Topic Thread (/showthread.php?tid=42)
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RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 28-05-2019
Was in the pub a few months ago with my mate and these 4 huge bastards started mouthing off at us.
"Pretend we`re the police" my mate said.
I only got half way through the first verse of Roxanne before they kicked the shit out of us.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 29-05-2019
Sat in a restaurant last night when the Waiter came up and said "Ready to order Sir"?
"My G/F has just gone to the Ladies room" I replied.
"Oh, any idea what she`s having"?
"Well she`s been gone about 10 minutes, so probably a shit"!
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 29-05-2019
Sat outside the pub with my mate Dave earlier watching some sexy female joggers go by when Dave asks "So hows your sex life then"?
"Oh nothing special" I replied, "I getting Social Security sex"
"Social Security sex"? Dave asks "I`m confused"
"Yeah you know, I`m getting a little each month,but not enough to live on".
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 30-05-2019
I`ve just been to see the Meercats at the zoo. How dissappointing, they know nothing about insurance. DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 31-05-2019
Sat outside the pub with my mate Dave when he says" I`m worried about my sex life with the G/F, she seems to have lost interest".
"Try being rough with her, pull her hair a bit, slap her arse, tell her she`s a dirty whore, that kind of thing..." I replied.
"Christ mate.. I don`t think she`d like that" he said.
"Are you kidding.... She xxxx loves it".......
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 01-06-2019
Tonight I gave the G/F a taste of her own medicine.
We went into 10 different pubs, only to go back to the first pub we went in to buy a drink.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 01-06-2019
One thing that`s always bothered me....
Why do we recite at a play, but play at a recital??
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 06-06-2019
The G/F said she liked it Doggy style, so after we had finished I rubbed her nose in the wet patch, and said "No". DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 07-06-2019
It`s very rare that I hope my G/F has farted, but I`m praying that smell coming from the kitchen is not my breakfast. DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 07-06-2019
I`m thinking of going into buisiness making glass coffins. Just wondering if they would be popular?
Remains to be seen...... DD