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The Off Topic Thread - Printable Version

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RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 23-06-2018

Does anyone know the number of a vet?

I've been checking the room sizes in this new flat and the cat has suffered some head injuries.

DD Sick Sick


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 25-06-2018

My G/F told me she'd got an invite to a fancy dress party.

"Oh, that explains the latex rubber sumo wrestler suit you're trying on" I said

She replied "What xxxx latex rubber sumo suit? I'm naked you bastard"

DD Tongue Tongue


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 25-06-2018

Lord Nelson was about 5ft 9in.....

His statue is 17ft 4in....

That`s Horatio of 3:1....

DD Smartass Smartass


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 26-06-2018

Don't pay £2 to have a shirt dry cleaned, donate it to charity shop they clean it and put it on a hanger
You can buy it back for 75 pence the next day.....

DD Laugh Laugh


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 26-06-2018

I was watching Time Team.
Couldn't help but wonder why so many of the archaeologists were women
Then it struck me
They are good at digging up the past.

DD Sick Sick


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 27-06-2018

If you`re out for a drink tonight and there are Germans in the pub, for god`s sake don`t mention the Var. DD Whistle Whistle


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 27-06-2018

I asked my son to pass me the phone book, and he handed me his mobile phone, saying, "FFS Dad you're so 1970s!" Anyway, to cut a long story short, spider dead, phone smashed, son distraught.

DD Doh Doh


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 28-06-2018

Breaking News...... Heatwave.

Councils across the Country rejoice as melting roads fill in their own potholes.

DD Tongue Tongue


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 28-06-2018

The G/F has bought one oh those "Smart cars".
It`s so smart it won`t let her in......

DD Smile Smile


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 28-06-2018

Every time I see a matress on top of a car I think it`s a prostitute making house calls....... DD Rolleyes Rolleyes