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+----- Thread: The Off Topic Thread (/showthread.php?tid=42)
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RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 18-05-2018
My dog swallowed the TV remote control. So now I have to pat his stomach to get BBC, rub his neck to get Sky, stroke his back to get ITV and I’ve decided to give up watching Channel 4.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 19-05-2018
David Beckham seen walking to the Royal wedding with a stick......... Named Victoria. DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 19-05-2018
The Police have been told to be aware of Aston Villa fans bringing Flare`s to the play off final at Wembley. Apparently that`s what they wore last time they were there. DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 20-05-2018
Science Fact.
If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 22-05-2018
Inject some fun into your life....
Call in sick to places you don`t work.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 23-05-2018
The dentist said, "I'm going to give you helium gas."
"Will that stop me from feeling any pain?" I asked.
"No, but when you scream it'll be xxxx hilarious."
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 23-05-2018
FOR SALE
Packet of Polo's
Unopened
Mint condition.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 24-05-2018
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (That's the
only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase
necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's just a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or
operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open
packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: say what?)
On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 24-05-2018
A lady from our local church knocked my door today and told me that, on this religious day I should use the Lord's name to express my views and spread the word. …I said, “Jesus Christ your tits are massive!”
DD (Sorry Vic)
RE: The Off Topic Thread - bomberbrown1968 - 24-05-2018
Followed this car on the way to work this morning, wasn't until I saw the dingle badge that I realised what it was meant to be.
So good of them to celebrate the 1-5 with their number plate, I would imagine it was made and bought before we annihilated them
Number Plate.bmp (Size: 373.38 KB / Downloads: 21)