(20-04-2017, 17:31)Stairs Wrote: Aloudin has opened the door to the longer joke and so:.............

Man is driving through the back streets of a New York suburb and he spots a sign that displays "Talking dog for sale".
He has time on his hand and is intrigued by the sign. So he pulls up and goes to the house and knocks on the door - nothing.
After a while he walks around the side of the house into the yard and there chilling out, paws crossed in his kennel is a greying old black Labrador dog.

The man feels a little foolish but walks up to the dog, looks left and right to check no one is watching and then says - "hey, are you the talking dog?"
"Yeah, so what of it" says the dog.

The man says "Well thats something I've never come across and doubt many have. What's the story?"

The dogs starts telling him about his life "Well I was born a puppy out of a famous New Yorker Sniffer Dog. I took to the trade instantly. I was a natural, a huge success. I worked here at the JFK Airport. I was so good at sniffing out drugs and illegal substances at immigration that Drug Enforcement Agency got to hear about me and I was recruited.
I joined them to fight the war on drugs and taken down to South America the fight against the drug cartels. It was fantastic but very dangerous and more than a little scary. I bust a lot of family businesses up and on my journey home I managed to find a number of tunnels used for smuggling drugs under the Mexico/US boarder wall.
But after a while you nose gets a little confused and so I switched to explosives. I ended up in the Middle East. I did a couple of tours over there working with the British SAS and US Seals helping them hunt down Terrorist Cells, Ammo Dumps and the like. It was great buzzing around at low-level in helicopters and parachuting in behind enemy lines etc - But time waits for no man (or dog) and I had to come home and take it easy.
So came back to New York and I have been working with the Feds. This was just after 911 and so its been hectic.
Now I am retired.
This family have taken me in. I get fed and watered but it's not a great place to be. They have hit hard times and so I think we both feel that a change of scenery would be good for all of us"

Just as the dog finishes his story the rear door of the house opens and an unshaven man walks out and says 'hey man - what you doing in my back yard?"
The man explains that he had seen the sign and had walked around the back to check it out and says "A talking dog, wow, how much do you want for him?"
The unshaven man says "If you can take him now you can have him for 50 Bucks"
"What" says the man "only 50 Bucks"

"Yes" says the unshaven man staring down at the dog "He's not worth anything, he's a lying Bastard - he's done none of those things"

(23-04-2017, 09:20)BaggieMan Wrote: Stoke fans are getting rather frustrated with the Fat Boy.

http://oatcakefanzine.proboards.com/thread/267633/got-horrible-feeling-berahino?page=2

Did we see them coming?    
Are we laughing all the way to the bank?