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+----- Thread: The Off Topic Thread (/showthread.php?tid=42)
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RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 14-04-2017
I've just sat down in the restaurant with my G/F and ordered the hippo soup.
Not sure what I'm going to have yet.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 14-04-2017
UPSET by a referendum result?
Still having a hissey fit that none of your dire predictions materialized?
Stay in the wonderful EU by simply moving to Romania now to help replace their mass exodus of people.
You could even call yourselves 'Remainians'.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 14-04-2017
Pretend its Easter Weekend by wasting hours sat in traffic jams and having barbeques in the rain .
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 14-04-2017
Just want to thank a few people for helping with my preperation for this years London marathon.
SCS, for the sofa, LG for the TV, Hovis and Danish for the bacon sandwich.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - talkSAFT - 15-04-2017
(14-04-2017, 12:30)Dingle-Dingle Wrote: I’ve just become a Professor of Palindromes. I’m now known as Dr. Awkward.
DD
How's your Goddam mad dog ?
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 17-04-2017
The G/F just asked if her appendix scar makes her look unattractive......
Apparently. "Don`t worry Babe, your breasts cover it" was not the answer she was looking for.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 17-04-2017
I was out with this girl, when I asked her, "Do you spit or swallow"?
She slapped my face and stormed off...... I`m never taking anyone wine tasting again!!
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Alouion - 18-04-2017
Loving your work DD. I amazed how long you have been doing this and the consistently good jokes you find. Here's one just for you. I hope it is worthy of inclusion.
A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop. After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot." "Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me." "I understood every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird." "Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?" "Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you asked I'll tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it cause of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer, can't you?" "Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports physics, philosophy and I am especially good at ornithology. You ought to buy me. I am a great companion."
The guy looks at the $200 price tag. He says. "I can't afford that." "Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing. "Nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can get me for $20 just make an offer." The guy offers 20 dollars and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He's funny, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, gives good advice. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "pssst," and motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up close to the cage. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not", says the parrot,"but it's about your wife and the mailman" "What?" says the guy. "Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today your wife greeted him in a sheer nightgown and kissed him on the mouth." "What happened then?" asks the guy. "Then the mailman came into the house and lifted up the nightgown and began petting her all over," reports the parrot. "My God!!" the guy says. "Then what?" "Then he lifted up the nightgown, got down on his knees and began to lick her body, starting with her breasts slowly going down and down." The parrot pauses for a long time... "What happened? What happened?" says the frantic guy. "I don't know," says the Parrot, "My dick got hard and I fell off my perch.
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 19-04-2017
The manager hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. While leaving the room, she courteously said, “Oh, sir, did you know that your barrack's door is open?”
He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his new employee. Calling her in, he asked, “By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you also see a soldier standing at attention?”
The secretary, who was quite witty, replied, “Why, no sir. all I saw was a little, disabled veteran, sitting on two duffel bags!”
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - drewks - 19-04-2017
(18-04-2017, 20:37)Alouion Wrote: Loving your work DD. I amazed how long you have been doing this and the consistently good jokes you find. Here's one just for you. I hope it is worthy of inclusion.(Not sure of the parrot "joke" tho Al....groan!
Here here Al - brilliant stuff, DD!! Always makes me chuckle, and I'd guess even talkSAFT reads your piece just before his early morning smile!
)