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+----- Thread: The Off Topic Thread (/showthread.php?tid=42)
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RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 20-03-2017
There was a band on in the pub tonight. They do covers of Bad Manners and Madness, so the have called themselves Badness.
It`s a good job they don`t do covers of Dire Straits and Chris Rea.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 20-03-2017
ASDA have now started doing private circumsicions.
It all started with their roll back promotion.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Salopbaggie - 21-03-2017
Thoughts for today;
Before your criticise someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticise them, you're a mile away and have their shoes.
I couldn't figure out why the football kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
My friends say there's a gay guy in our circle of friends... I really hope it's Todd, he's cute.
People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones...... But people in Abu Dhabi do!
Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines.
I went bobsleighing the other day, I killed 250 bobs.
I have the heart of a lion................ and a lifetime ban from the Toronto zoo.
So what if I don't know what Armageddon means? It's not the end of the world.
This is my step ladder................. I never knew my real ladder.
The difference between a hippo and a zippo is; One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
My friend said to me: "What rhymes with orange"................................ I said: "no it doesn't"
And God said to John, come forth and you shall be granted eternal life. But John came fifth and won a toaster.
I have an EpiPen............... My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it.
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 22-03-2017
I said to my mate, "My G/F opened the door in just her Bra and Knickers last night."
"Jeez. That must have been good."
"Not really".
"She was the one coming home"..!!..
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 23-03-2017
Getting so many spam emails. “Grow Your Hair Back”…"Lose weight now" ...”Enlarge your manhood”…
Wait… these are from my G/F......
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 23-03-2017
Guess who`s in the doghouse again.......
To spice up our sex life the G/F said she would dress up as my favourite Star Wars character.
After walking into the bedroom and seeing her I said. " Jabba the Hutt is not my favourite character"!.
She replied. "F"*& off you cheeky B*$7*^d I haven`t got changed yet."
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 23-03-2017
The G/F really hates it when I swap the wrappers on her chocolate bars at home.
She really gets her snickers in a twix about it.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 28-03-2017
The G/F gas told me that I don`t satisfy her anymore....
Probably because I`m not a cake shop!!
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 28-03-2017
The G/F gave me an ultimatum.....
She said I had to choose between her and my obsession with Elvis Presley.
Looks like she`s going to be lonesome tonight.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 28-03-2017
"Do you remember that arguement twenty years ago when we sat down and wrote down each others faults?" I said to my G/F.
"Oh God yes, I still have mine somewhere, " she said with a giggle.
"I've just finished mne " I replied.
DD