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+----- Thread: The Off Topic Thread (/showthread.php?tid=42)
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RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 20-02-2017
Little Johnny Dingle is sat in class when his teacher asks him; "Johnny, if you're dad nips to the shop for some milk and it takes 5 minutes to walk there, how long in total does his trip take him?"
"So far miss" Johnny replies, "Three years and counting."
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 21-02-2017
I`ve just rang Babestation and the hot girl on the other end said "Hey sexy, what can I do for you?"
I said "Call me back, it`s cheaper!!"
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 21-02-2017
Life was so much simpler before I had a G/F.
I had absolutely no idea there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge. !!
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - talkSAFT - 22-02-2017
(21-02-2017, 22:16)Dingle-Dingle Wrote: Life was so much simpler before I had a G/F.
I had absolutely no idea there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge. !!
DD
Many a true word, D-D.
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 23-02-2017
Two Wise Old Hedgehogs and a young one are planning to cross a busy motorway.
The cars are flying by really quickly and they cannot get across.
One of the Old Hedgehogs says the best way to get across would be to wait until it get's dark and then try to cross.
He said if a car is coming just try to stay in between the two headlights and the car will drive over you and you will be safe.
They waited until it got dark and then got the young hedgehog try out the theory. Sure enough halfway across along came a car, he remembered what he was told and aimed in between the oncoming cars headlights and held his breath, SPLAT...!!!
The Two Old Hedgehogs looked at each other and one said "Well, bugger me, what do you think of that"..??? the other one said..
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" Yeah, it's been friggin ages since we saw a Robin Reliant around these parts".....>>>>>
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 24-02-2017
There I was is sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, troublemaking biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.
“Well, whatcha gonna do about it?” he says, menacingly, as I suddenly burst into tears.
“Oh, come on, man,” the biker says, “I didn’t think you’d CRY. I can’t stand to see a man crying.”
“This is the worst day of my life,” I say. “I’m a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener, and then my dog bit me.”
“So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you, you jackass, show up and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how’s your day going?”
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 25-02-2017
The cabinet under my sink is worth £1356,35p since the introduction of the carrier bag charge.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 26-02-2017
Thought for the Day!
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have £49.00 today.
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in AIG insurance company one year ago, you would have £33.00 today.
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers five years ago, you would have nothing today.
But, if you had purchased £1,000 worth of beer over one year at Tesco's, drunk all the beer, then taken the aluminium cans to the scrap metal dealer, you would have received £214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 01-03-2017
My G/F complained no one ever calls her - I solved the problem by putting a "hows my driving" sticker on the back of her car.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 01-03-2017
I joined the Tesco online dating agency,
I ended up with a bag for life.
DD