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+----- Thread: The Off Topic Thread (/showthread.php?tid=42)
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RE: The Off Topic Thread - talkSAFT - 14-12-2016
Conversation between a married couple:
Woman: Do you drink beer?
Man: Errrrr.....Yes
Woman: How many beers a day?
Man: Usually about three
Woman: How much do you pay for a pint?
Man: £3.50
...........(this is where it gets scary!)
Woman: And how long have you been drinking since we got married?
Man: 30 years, I suppose
Woman: So a beer costs £3.50 and you have three beers a day which puts your spending each month at £300. In one year, it would be approximately £3,600. Correct?
Man: Correct
Woman: If in 1 year you spend £3,600, not accounting for inflation, the past 30 years puts your spending at over £100,000. Ccorrect?
Man: Correct
Woman: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in an ISA
and after accounting for compound interest for the past 30 years, you could have now bought an aerorplane?
Pause........
Man: Do you drink beer?
Woman: No.
Man: Where's your aeroplane?
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 15-12-2016
The best way to get your true weight is to get on the scales naked.
It's also the reason I'm banned from my local chemists..
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 16-12-2016
"I was very naive sexually when younger. My first girlfriend asked me to do missionary
So I buggered off to Africa for 6 months.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 16-12-2016
Philip looks out of the window on Christmas Eve: ‘That’s some reindeer’ he says.
The Queen replies: ’63 years. Yes, it seems like fcukin forever.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 17-12-2016
Dolly Parton and her bra designer haven't spoken in weeks.
It's been that way since the two fell out.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 17-12-2016
During a visit to the mental home, Beefy asked the director, “How do you determine whether or not a person should be institutionalized?”
“Well,” said the Director, “We fill up a bathtub, and then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”
“Oh, I understand,” Beefy said. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”
“No,” said the Director. “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - BBB - 18-12-2016
(16-12-2016, 19:22)Dingle-Dingle Wrote: Philip looks out of the window on Christmas Eve: ‘That’s some reindeer’ he says.
The Queen replies: ’63 years. Yes, it seems like fcukin forever.
DD
Queen: It's better than hail stones, dear!
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 20-12-2016
I`ve finally found the Christmas spirit.
It was on aisle 6 in Tesco`s.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 20-12-2016
Thinking of a good mate after losing his job today. After seven years of medical training and hard work he has been struck off after one minor incident and I think it's bullshit to be fair . He slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the profession that he loves. What a waste of time, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 21-12-2016
The G/F said "Darling, do I please you in bed?"
I said "Yes I love that trick you do with your mouth".
She said "What trick?"
"The one where you shut up and go to sleep!!"
DD