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The Off Topic Thread - Printable Version

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RE: The Off Topic Thread - Salopbaggie - 08-11-2016

Three guys get married

The first man married a woman from London. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.

It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from Bristol.

He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.

The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a Black Country girl.

He ordered her to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.

The first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees Wink


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 09-11-2016

Well there you have it.

The first time in history a billionaire moves into social housing vacated by a black family.

Only in America. DD Angry Angry


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 09-11-2016

I was standing at the bar when a girl came up to me.
"Fancy buying me a drink?" she said.
"Sure" I replied "If you let me choose the drink".
"Ok" she grinned. "But how will you know what I want"?
"Well, It`s a talent." I smiled. "All I do is look a girl up and down and I know exactly what suits her best".
"Ok" she giggled " You can choose for me".
So I turned to the barman and said " Diet coke please mate".

DD Angry Angry


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 09-11-2016

Bill tried to cheer up Hillary this morning by reminding her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected president until after he had served 27 years in prison.

DD Angry Angry


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 11-11-2016

My poor old mother in law always complaining about the price of things today.
"£1.50 for a cup of tea. 75p for a custard cream", she moaned.
"FF`s sake", I replied.
"You popped round here - I didn't invite you!"

DD Angry Angry


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 11-11-2016

My knees are swollen from too much foreplay with the G/F.
Three hours of begging for sex will do that.

DD Angry Angry


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 12-11-2016

Just wondering if Nicola Sturgeon will demand that the football match is replayed because Scotland did not get the result she wanted.
DD Angry Angry


RE: The Off Topic Thread - St Charles Owl - 12-11-2016

(12-11-2016, 02:12)Dingle-Dingle Wrote: Just wondering if Nicola Sturgeon will demand that the football match is replayed because Scotland did not get the result she wanted.
DD  Angry  Angry

No, even though Scotland lost the game she will demand an equal share of the points!!


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 15-11-2016

Who saw the super moon tonight....?......I did,I walked into the bathroom,just as she bent over to pull the plug out.....>>>>>

DD Angry Angry


RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 18-11-2016

I just wished more of my handcuff stories involved sex instead of the police.

DD Angry Angry