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+----- Thread: The Off Topic Thread (/showthread.php?tid=42)
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RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 07-09-2016
I have sex daily............
Oh sorry I meant Dyslexia
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 07-09-2016
Women with large breasts are generally more successful than men with large breasts........ DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 09-09-2016
Why did my G/F cross the road?
To get to the 1st shoe shop we went in 4 hours ago.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 09-09-2016
I was driving along today when I saw an AA van parked at the side of the road. The patrolman was stood at the side of the vehicle sobbing uncontrollably.
I thought............ He`s heading for a breakdown.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 10-09-2016
My Chinese neighbour said he opened a crows shop.
I said "You mean a clothes shop?
He said "No, no, come and have a rook "
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 10-09-2016
Strange beer to the left of me.
Cheap biscuits to the right........
Here I am, stuck in the Lidl with you.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 10-09-2016
After sex last night the G/F cuddled up to me and said....... "You know, you are by far the biggest I`ve ever had".
Apparently "Ditto" is not the right response.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 13-09-2016
A dwarf with a lisp is looking for a horse to buy...
"I'd like to buy a horth" he says to the owner of the farm.
"What sort of horse?" asks the owner.
"A female horth" the dwarf replies.
So the owner shows him a beautiful mare.
"Nithe horth." says the dwarf, "Can I thee her eyeth?"
So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes.
"Nithe eyeth." says the dwarf, "Can I thee her teeth?"
Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth.
"Nithe teeth.... can I see her eerth?" the dwarf says.
By now the owner is getting a tad narked, but again he picks up the dwarf to show him the horses ears.
"Nithe eerth." he says, "Now.. can I see her twot?"
Well, the owner picks the dwarf up by the scruff of his neck and shoves his head right under the horses tail. He holds him there for a couple of seconds before pulling him out and shoving him down.
The dwarf shakes his head and says: "Perhaps I should weefwaze that...
Pleathe could I see her wun awound?" ..
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Salopbaggie - 13-09-2016
Nothing is as strange (or funny in some ways) as the truth.
A close friend of mine who is totally blind and uses a guide dog was invited to attend an event this Monday gone which was being organised by his local medical centre for people who were blind to introduce them to services available for the blind.
Apparently, everything went well until the main event, when the choir got up to sing.
The music started, the Look of Love by ABC and then nothing but music. My friend asked why they were just playing music and when was the choir going to start, to which he was informed by a member of staff, that the choir was a deaf choir and were signing the song.
How does anyone in the right mind who is arranging an event for the blind, book a choir that only signs? You could not make it up.
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 15-09-2016
The G/F bought home a waxing kit the other day.
She asked me if she should do the sides or the strip down the middle.
I said I would prefer it if she didnt have a moustache at all.
DD