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09-09-2014, 14:04
(This post was last modified: 09-09-2014, 14:05 by Dingle-Dingle.)
At ASDA, whilst packing my shopping into the car I was approached by 2 fit 18 year old Eastern European girls,in tight, tiny tops. They proceeded to wash my windscreen with their breasts pushed right up on the glass. All they wanted in return was a lift to the next ASDA. On the way they stripped off and started to give each other oral sex. 1 of them then climbed into the passenger seat and went down on me. While this was happening the other one attempted to steal my wallet. This happened to me last Thursday, Friday, Saturday twice on Sunday and again on Monday. So be careful.
PS You can buy wallets for 99p at Poundstretcher.
DD 
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Share your favourite goals from childhood (no matter what decade) on this thread! http://www.sportsbabble.co.uk/thread-145.html
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Little Johnny's neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.
When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby.
Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a serious talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the babys' missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.
When Johnny looked in the crib he said, 'What a beautiful baby.'
The mother said, 'Why, thank you, Johnny.'
Johnny said, 'He has beautiful little feet, beautiful little hands,a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see all right?'
'Yes,' the mother agreed, 'we are so thankful. The Doctor said he will have a 20/20 Vision.'
'That's great,' said Little Johnny, 'coz he'd be screwed if he needed glasses.'
DD 
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.........A guy walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says, "Wow, you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay."
The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what's wrong, the man says, "I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!"
On the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas. The bartender says, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
The man downs the first drink and shakes his head, "Yeah, my wife!"
DD
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Some bastard's just pinched a pair of my girlfriend's knickers off the washing line. She's not bothered about the knickers but she wants the 12 pegs back.
DD
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A Jehovas witness was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when he turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to him, "What would you like to talk about?"
Oh, I don't know", said the JW, "How about God?"
"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The JW thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God when you don't know shit?
DD 
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I've just picked up a four-pack of those Gillette Venus ladies' razors for the G/F this morning, nineteen pi$$ing quid!!
That's four pound seventy five a xxxx chin.
DD 
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Transvestite walks into a bar in Manchester. He had a Wigan address. DD 
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13-09-2014, 14:47
(This post was last modified: 13-09-2014, 14:48 by BBB.)
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