[Dingle-Dingle]

Been slacking for a bit so here goes nothing.........

A man walked into a crowded bar with a loaded gun and shouted, "Who's been screwing my G/F?"
A voice at the back shouted, "You don't have enough bullets."

My G/F just asked me if her appendix scar made her look unattractive.
Apparently the response of "don't worry babe, your boobs cover it," wasn't the answer she was looking for.

A Liverpudlian went to court accused of having sex with a cat. The judge dismissed the case saying that in his 30 years as a judge he'd never known a scouser put anything into a kitty!

A bloke from Barnsley wakes up with a sore arse. He goes to the corner shop and asks the shopkeeper "nah then, does tha' sell arse cream?"
The shopkeeper replies, "That we do Lad, does tha' want a Vanilla or a Chocolate?"

My mother-in-law is suffering from depression. She phoned me the other day and said, "I feel like jumping in front of a bus and you're not doing anything to help." So I sent her a timetable.

I cannot stand people who think they're worse off than everybody else. My mate Don is brilliant. He had a bad accident where he lost his voice and both legs.
Does he make a song and dance about it? Does he hell.

DD