09-10-2019, 20:28
Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to a woman who was snoring and farting, it was so relieving to know I had made it home OK!
The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.
I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell bacon burning. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.
The missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"
The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.
I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell bacon burning. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.
The missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"