19-07-2019, 20:01
Can’t believe we only got a semi from the English woman’s football team
I rang my G/F earlier and asked what time she would be home because Sharon and Bob were round and they said they really wanted a foursome. Less than 5 minutes later she burst in the front door and ran straight upstairs. She came back down 10 minutes later wearing a very sexy lace number and had a massive fat lubed up dildo in her hand. We had tennis racquets in ours.....
Boys: you know you’re getting old when you walk by some priests and don’t even get a wink.
The first thing I look for in a woman is a good heart, the fact her tits are in the way of it is not my fault!
What’s the difference between pink and purple? Your grip...
Can you imagine parents in the future explaining to their children how they met? Well, I posted a bathroom pouting selfie that your father liked. Then he sent me a dick pic and here we all xxxx are!'
The first man in space was Yuri Garin. Most people didn't know he had a stammer.
Coq au Vin... Is French for dogging.
Honey made by those bad tempered stripey bastard wasps is called Marmite.
Recipe for Thick Chicken Soup: 1. Find a really xxxx stupid chicken, 2. Make soup.
SYCOPHANT - ˈsɪkəfant/noun. What Declan Donnelly is. ..for the sake of balance , Ant's probably sick of him too.
Did you know? Before that miserable soul sucking twat Isaac Newton discovered gravity in 1687, people could fly.
Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.
Breaking news. Guy shot with a starting pistol. Police think it's race related!
This is Bob. Bob has no arms. 'Knock knock' "Who is it?" Well it isn't xxxx Bob is it you piss taker!
Just walked past a university and shouted BOO! 7 students went to the hospital, 734 needed counselling, the windows shattered in the quiet room and all classes have been cancelled until further notice!
I'm not an alcoholic. I'm just in a constant state of celebration. I' an alcoholigist.
Teacher: Whoever answers my next question, can go home. Little Johnny throws his bag out the window. Teacher: Who just threw that?
Little Johnny: Me ha ha, I'm xxxx going home now!
No matter whose house you visit there’s always one stolen pint glass from the pub! The shifty pikey footpads!
I found a note stuck on my door from my sexy blonde neighbour today saying "I want you to come round tonight and xxxx me stupid" Well she can piss right off. Nobody calls me names and then asks for a favour
Paddy went to his local shop and said, "I want to make a complaint! This vinegar's got lumps in it".
"You xxxx prick" replied the shopkeeper, "Those are pickled onions."
DD
2
I rang my G/F earlier and asked what time she would be home because Sharon and Bob were round and they said they really wanted a foursome. Less than 5 minutes later she burst in the front door and ran straight upstairs. She came back down 10 minutes later wearing a very sexy lace number and had a massive fat lubed up dildo in her hand. We had tennis racquets in ours.....
Boys: you know you’re getting old when you walk by some priests and don’t even get a wink.
The first thing I look for in a woman is a good heart, the fact her tits are in the way of it is not my fault!
What’s the difference between pink and purple? Your grip...
Can you imagine parents in the future explaining to their children how they met? Well, I posted a bathroom pouting selfie that your father liked. Then he sent me a dick pic and here we all xxxx are!'
The first man in space was Yuri Garin. Most people didn't know he had a stammer.
Coq au Vin... Is French for dogging.
Honey made by those bad tempered stripey bastard wasps is called Marmite.
Recipe for Thick Chicken Soup: 1. Find a really xxxx stupid chicken, 2. Make soup.
SYCOPHANT - ˈsɪkəfant/noun. What Declan Donnelly is. ..for the sake of balance , Ant's probably sick of him too.
Did you know? Before that miserable soul sucking twat Isaac Newton discovered gravity in 1687, people could fly.
Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.
Breaking news. Guy shot with a starting pistol. Police think it's race related!
This is Bob. Bob has no arms. 'Knock knock' "Who is it?" Well it isn't xxxx Bob is it you piss taker!
Just walked past a university and shouted BOO! 7 students went to the hospital, 734 needed counselling, the windows shattered in the quiet room and all classes have been cancelled until further notice!
I'm not an alcoholic. I'm just in a constant state of celebration. I' an alcoholigist.
Teacher: Whoever answers my next question, can go home. Little Johnny throws his bag out the window. Teacher: Who just threw that?
Little Johnny: Me ha ha, I'm xxxx going home now!
No matter whose house you visit there’s always one stolen pint glass from the pub! The shifty pikey footpads!
I found a note stuck on my door from my sexy blonde neighbour today saying "I want you to come round tonight and xxxx me stupid" Well she can piss right off. Nobody calls me names and then asks for a favour
Paddy went to his local shop and said, "I want to make a complaint! This vinegar's got lumps in it".
"You xxxx prick" replied the shopkeeper, "Those are pickled onions."
DD
2
Ubique.