20-04-2018, 11:23
Researchers have found that every beer or wine you have per day knocks about half an hour off your life expectancy. Who gives a shit, I’d just have spent it drinking beer or wine anyway.
Recreate the thrill of a twenty something's night out by throwing all your money away, giving yourself a black eye, pissing all over your own shoes and waking up in next door's front garden covered in vomit.
Swap your G/F's eye drops for the super glue, it will be xxxx hilarious watching her try to mend that ornamen...... hang on, got to go she's screaming my name for some reason.
Given that there are several Billion birds, thousands of planes and only one Superman, it's most likely to be a bird.
RECREATE the ITV Show 'I'm A Celebrity' by eating a bull's testicle, a pigs eyeball and a sheep's penis... Or a Greggs sausage roll as it's better known.
If a man is blood type B, and his wife is blood type O, any children they have will grow up with smelly armpits.
If you piss in a bleach bottle it instantly creates homemade mustard gas
Guarantee making money on the Grand National by simply buying shares in Findus crispy pancakes and Greggs steak pies.
Avoid spending Sunday in the burns unit by researching tea bagging before trying it.
Do chameleons go invisible when placed on a sheet of glass?
Tinder is a great site for women looking for a husband..... someone else's.
Convince people you are a recent lottery winner by purchasing a panini on an EasyJet flight.
I've been diagnosed as clinically obese - as if I haven't got enough on my plate!
Every gift from a child is special. Except for this pine cone #763. I could really do without that.
I have a 'Do To' list, it's like a To Do list but filled with malicious intent.
You know you're getting xxxx old when the price of tomatoes intrigues you.
Had a lovely long talk with my niece about drugs....which ones are the best, who in town sells it, stuff like that.
There's nothing quite like that moment when your toddler comes for a cuddle, looks deep into your eyes, and sneezes snot directly into your face.
DD
Recreate the thrill of a twenty something's night out by throwing all your money away, giving yourself a black eye, pissing all over your own shoes and waking up in next door's front garden covered in vomit.
Swap your G/F's eye drops for the super glue, it will be xxxx hilarious watching her try to mend that ornamen...... hang on, got to go she's screaming my name for some reason.
Given that there are several Billion birds, thousands of planes and only one Superman, it's most likely to be a bird.
RECREATE the ITV Show 'I'm A Celebrity' by eating a bull's testicle, a pigs eyeball and a sheep's penis... Or a Greggs sausage roll as it's better known.
If a man is blood type B, and his wife is blood type O, any children they have will grow up with smelly armpits.
If you piss in a bleach bottle it instantly creates homemade mustard gas
Guarantee making money on the Grand National by simply buying shares in Findus crispy pancakes and Greggs steak pies.
Avoid spending Sunday in the burns unit by researching tea bagging before trying it.
Do chameleons go invisible when placed on a sheet of glass?
Tinder is a great site for women looking for a husband..... someone else's.
Convince people you are a recent lottery winner by purchasing a panini on an EasyJet flight.
I've been diagnosed as clinically obese - as if I haven't got enough on my plate!
Every gift from a child is special. Except for this pine cone #763. I could really do without that.
I have a 'Do To' list, it's like a To Do list but filled with malicious intent.
You know you're getting xxxx old when the price of tomatoes intrigues you.
Had a lovely long talk with my niece about drugs....which ones are the best, who in town sells it, stuff like that.
There's nothing quite like that moment when your toddler comes for a cuddle, looks deep into your eyes, and sneezes snot directly into your face.
DD
Ubique.