23-03-2018, 13:12
Despite what they say, Honey badgers aren’t as delicious as they sound, and the bastards bite back!
You know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved about your spouse when you're first dating? Well, after 30 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".
Spice things up in the bedroom by telling your partner the safe word is "deeper".
Ant Mcpartlin, when arrested give your name as Declan Donnelly, as nobody can ever tell which is xxxx which.
When your best mates post pictures of themselves with their teenage daughters, simply reply “I would”, this helps cement your friendship no end
FAIRY LIQUID USERS: Stop being tight twats and buy your xxxx kid a toy spaceship.
Prisoners in Britain used to be detained 'At Her Majesty's Pleasure'. Unfortunately she's getting a bit old for that kind of thing now.
The headlamps on a BMW have three settings - dipped, main beam and twat.
I was researching diabetes the other day, visited their website and the first xxxx thing they ask is will I accept their cookies!
How many Russian Diplomats does it take .................
Most women wont date a bloke that lives with his mother but they will date a bloke that’s married, work that one out!
Ha – mildly amusing
Haha – laughing
Hahaha – sarcastic laughing
Hahahaha – Staying Alive.
PET owners: since you call a pet your fur baby, you must call your actual children flesh babies for clarification, unless they are teenagers when its ok to re classify them as gruntmonsters
Top tip from all this snow recently, never make a snow angel on any field where they walk dogs!
"Can you go and check upstairs, I don't think the baby monitor is working. " Said my girlfriend.
So I went upstairs, "Can you hear me, " I called through the monitor,
"Yes. " She answered.
It is working then, " I replied, "what do you want me to do with the dead baby? "
DD
You know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved about your spouse when you're first dating? Well, after 30 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".
Spice things up in the bedroom by telling your partner the safe word is "deeper".
Ant Mcpartlin, when arrested give your name as Declan Donnelly, as nobody can ever tell which is xxxx which.
When your best mates post pictures of themselves with their teenage daughters, simply reply “I would”, this helps cement your friendship no end
FAIRY LIQUID USERS: Stop being tight twats and buy your xxxx kid a toy spaceship.
Prisoners in Britain used to be detained 'At Her Majesty's Pleasure'. Unfortunately she's getting a bit old for that kind of thing now.
The headlamps on a BMW have three settings - dipped, main beam and twat.
I was researching diabetes the other day, visited their website and the first xxxx thing they ask is will I accept their cookies!
How many Russian Diplomats does it take .................
Most women wont date a bloke that lives with his mother but they will date a bloke that’s married, work that one out!
Ha – mildly amusing
Haha – laughing
Hahaha – sarcastic laughing
Hahahaha – Staying Alive.
PET owners: since you call a pet your fur baby, you must call your actual children flesh babies for clarification, unless they are teenagers when its ok to re classify them as gruntmonsters
Top tip from all this snow recently, never make a snow angel on any field where they walk dogs!
"Can you go and check upstairs, I don't think the baby monitor is working. " Said my girlfriend.
So I went upstairs, "Can you hear me, " I called through the monitor,
"Yes. " She answered.
It is working then, " I replied, "what do you want me to do with the dead baby? "
DD
Ubique.