[Dingle-Dingle]

Police investigating the case of a fifty pence coin being thrown at the WBA directors box at the last home game have found out it was actually a takeover bid.

Just because Ken Dodd has actually now died, try not to do the Ken Dodd died!...Diddy? No Doddy joke................bugger, did it!!!!!!! No Dod it....aaaarrrrggghhh!!.

Breaking news…… Ken Dodd's dead dad's dog's dead So that’s Ken Dodd, Dodds Dad, Dodds Dads Dog, and Dodds Dads Dogs Dads are dead, plus the dodo is dead, Di's dead, Dodi is dead and with Doddy dead that Dido must be shitting herself . Police say they have a couple of leads but don't expect them to go anywhere.

Retweeted God (@TheTweetOfGod): It’s only been a few hours and Stephen Hawking already mathematically proved, to my face, that I don’t xxxx exist.

The last four letters in “queue” are not silent They’re just waiting their turn

Did Steven Hawking have a donor card ?? ..Cos my sons go-kart is pretty much fucked….

Yeah right, so everyone is a fan of Stephen Hawking now that he died. I bet they can’t even name 3 of his songs.

Sign language is the least spoken language in the world.

MOBILITY SCOOTER DRIVERS. Attach a string of bananas behind your vehicle for that exciting Mario Kart look.

Do necrophyliacs use dead batteries for their sex toys?

Teresa May. Put the fear of god into all Russians, by sending a sternly worded e:mail to the Kremlin. Maybe stamp your foot once.That'll xxxx show 'em.

Paparazzi please think about Stephen Hawking's family....they just need time and space….

History and nostalgia buffs. Recreate the heady days of the Spanish Inquisition by attempting to buy some paracetamol from Boots.

Overcome your claustrophobia by thinking outside the box.

. Put cotton wool on a frog. When it jumps, tell thick children it's a cloud with legs.

Before going on a long romantic walk with your new girlfriend. Take a shit! Trust me on this one!

I don't know if animals go to heaven , but the praying mantis has to be in with a bloody good shout.



DD