05-01-2018, 14:10
UNIMPRESSED by having your passport changed to Blue? Fear not! They will also come in BoyZone and 5ive versions.
The new blue UK passports will also have a few pages of Sudoku and Wordsearch at the back for you to fill in while waiting in the long non-EU queue at the airport, when they are introduced.
After Brexit... orange juice, champagne and olive oil will be substituted by Irn Bru, white lightening and lard.
They say one person in your group of friends has the potential to be a murderer, so I pushed Dave in front of a lorry this morning just in case it was him.
The G/F told me she wanted decking for her birthday….cant bloody wait!
Sweep grandma off her feet next festive season by not holding onto your end of the Christmas cracker.
HEROIN addicts, now's the time to try cold turkey.
To the lady in front of me.......it's a speed bump, not a xxxx land mine...
I wish I hadn't bought my young son an unbreakable toy for Christmas. He used it to smash the shit out of all his other toys...
London zoo fire. Meerkats missing. Insurance job. Simples.
Whenever my G/F starts singing around the house I immediately go into the front garden. That way the neighbours know I’m not smacking her about.
. Were hippopotamuses named hippopotamuses because they were really hip popotamuses or what ?
Piss off McDonalds staff by asking for a medium rare big mac...chips and mushy peas and a pineapple milk shake....for extra effect pretend you have a stutter and a dodgy battery in your hearing aid.
The "Best Before" date on food packaging isn't the date the food dies, it's the date on which the challenge starts to find out how water tight your chocolate starfish is!
Eating a bag of McCoy's crisps can get you in a lot of trouble with Captain Kirk, he's a right sneaky little grass.
Be creative, invent a perversion.
If there's one thing my G/F hates, it's having rat meat dangled into her cage & then snatched away before she can grab it.
Time to clean out my fridge. The stuff growing in there has set up a variety of governmental systems & they keep going to war with each other.
How does your stomach know to send the burps to the mouth and the farts to your arse? If it gets that wrong the results won’t be pretty!
Bugger it, my glasses just fell in the toilet, now I can't see for shit!
Girls: just remember each morning when you put on makeup- somewhere in the world a clown is starting his day doing exactly the same thing
I washed the car with my son today. Worst sponge. EVER
Manslaughter: The sound a man makes when laughing at a female.
DD
The new blue UK passports will also have a few pages of Sudoku and Wordsearch at the back for you to fill in while waiting in the long non-EU queue at the airport, when they are introduced.
After Brexit... orange juice, champagne and olive oil will be substituted by Irn Bru, white lightening and lard.
They say one person in your group of friends has the potential to be a murderer, so I pushed Dave in front of a lorry this morning just in case it was him.
The G/F told me she wanted decking for her birthday….cant bloody wait!
Sweep grandma off her feet next festive season by not holding onto your end of the Christmas cracker.
HEROIN addicts, now's the time to try cold turkey.
To the lady in front of me.......it's a speed bump, not a xxxx land mine...
I wish I hadn't bought my young son an unbreakable toy for Christmas. He used it to smash the shit out of all his other toys...
London zoo fire. Meerkats missing. Insurance job. Simples.
Whenever my G/F starts singing around the house I immediately go into the front garden. That way the neighbours know I’m not smacking her about.
. Were hippopotamuses named hippopotamuses because they were really hip popotamuses or what ?
Piss off McDonalds staff by asking for a medium rare big mac...chips and mushy peas and a pineapple milk shake....for extra effect pretend you have a stutter and a dodgy battery in your hearing aid.
The "Best Before" date on food packaging isn't the date the food dies, it's the date on which the challenge starts to find out how water tight your chocolate starfish is!
Eating a bag of McCoy's crisps can get you in a lot of trouble with Captain Kirk, he's a right sneaky little grass.
Be creative, invent a perversion.
If there's one thing my G/F hates, it's having rat meat dangled into her cage & then snatched away before she can grab it.
Time to clean out my fridge. The stuff growing in there has set up a variety of governmental systems & they keep going to war with each other.
How does your stomach know to send the burps to the mouth and the farts to your arse? If it gets that wrong the results won’t be pretty!
Bugger it, my glasses just fell in the toilet, now I can't see for shit!
Girls: just remember each morning when you put on makeup- somewhere in the world a clown is starting his day doing exactly the same thing
I washed the car with my son today. Worst sponge. EVER
Manslaughter: The sound a man makes when laughing at a female.
DD
Ubique.