[Dingle-Dingle]

Name your new dog "Goaway" and watch its head explode. "C'mere Goaway, C'mere Goaway"

WHILST enjoying a pint, I’ve just overheard a group of students claim they were excited about an upcoming ‘rag week’. If it’s anything like the bastard I have to deal with on a monthly basis, they’re heading for one hell of a xxxx miserable disappointment.

BBC News: Glitter Banned From Children's Nurseries. I should bloody well think so, after what they found on his hard drive.

It was all very well Jesus knocking rich people, but remind me again, who got a gold bar and posh aftershave for his first birthday? (Sorry BV)

I wonder, could you use a 3D printer to make a 3D printer? Then they would become self-aware and then we are proper fucked!

Things you can say about your car but not your partner, “She died a week ago but I am still using some of the parts”

Me: I know this is random but Dom or Sub?
Gf: I guess Domino’s, I don’t go to Subway that much, I still can’t understand why you would put them in the same category anyway.
Me: Sigh

Test the strength of your relationship and the fragility of your G/F's mental state by placing a xxxx bauble in the WRONG xxxx PLACE on the Christmas tree

Get an overweight female dog so you can get away with saying, "You fat bitch" when your G/F is in the room.

Completely amaze and astound house guests by having the correct time on your oven's display.

To ensure all your Xmas presents are wrapped ready for the big day, start looking for the end of the sellotape now.

When women get to a certain age they start to collect cats, this is known as the many paws.

DD