06-12-2017, 18:11
FATHER Christmas has been rushed to elf accident and emergency following an incident in his workshop where it is believed he tore a huge gash in his beloved sack.
Santa, currently old as time itself, was said to be working quadruple overtime ahead of the peak Christmas rush when the accident occurred, as his bright red sack accidentally brushed against a sharp piece of metal jutting out of the side of an unfinished iPhone X.
“I knew I should have outsourced this kind of thing to the kids in Malaysia,” cried Santa, clutching his sack while trying to keep the stuffing within from falling out.
“What am I going to do with my sack now? Can it be repaired? Can it be sewn up? What if I’m delivering toys and I go down a chimney too fast… will it re-tear itself? What if I lose a ball?”
Elf surgeons have worked tirelessly throughout the night to repair the sack, a delicate process that required dozens of finely knitted stitches while Santa anaesthetised himself with a large number of cookies dipped in ice-cold milk.
“We patched up his ho, ho, hole,” said head surgeon Shane Elf.
“He just has to be careful from now on. He’s getting old, he may not realise that his sack might be hanging a bit lower than it used to. You gotta hold that thing up when you’re working”.
If you have torn your sack at work, you may be entitled to compensation. Write a letter outlining your accident to Santa, NOW.
DD
(No santa smileys)
Santa, currently old as time itself, was said to be working quadruple overtime ahead of the peak Christmas rush when the accident occurred, as his bright red sack accidentally brushed against a sharp piece of metal jutting out of the side of an unfinished iPhone X.
“I knew I should have outsourced this kind of thing to the kids in Malaysia,” cried Santa, clutching his sack while trying to keep the stuffing within from falling out.
“What am I going to do with my sack now? Can it be repaired? Can it be sewn up? What if I’m delivering toys and I go down a chimney too fast… will it re-tear itself? What if I lose a ball?”
Elf surgeons have worked tirelessly throughout the night to repair the sack, a delicate process that required dozens of finely knitted stitches while Santa anaesthetised himself with a large number of cookies dipped in ice-cold milk.
“We patched up his ho, ho, hole,” said head surgeon Shane Elf.
“He just has to be careful from now on. He’s getting old, he may not realise that his sack might be hanging a bit lower than it used to. You gotta hold that thing up when you’re working”.
If you have torn your sack at work, you may be entitled to compensation. Write a letter outlining your accident to Santa, NOW.
DD
(No santa smileys)
Ubique.