[Dingle-Dingle]

Aluminium foil prevents people from reading your mind, which explains why nobody ever bloody knows what a baked potato is thinking.

My 18 year old son is an immature wanker. He still believes that the white haired, bearded, jolly old bloke is going to give him loads of free shit that's going to magically appear and never have to be paid for. Or 'Jeremy Corbyn' as he likes to be called.

. I wonder if Meghan has noticed that " Royal Wedding" is an anagram of "Dead Girly Now"

MEGHAN MARKLE: Ignore Prince Philip, he's only joking. Probably.

Ladies, struggling to think of a xmas present for your man? Simply check his search history on his computer for some great ideas.

I'm a bit confused with this Rohypnol I bought. On the packet it says, "Best Before Date", but then there's no numbers or anything.

Ordered 4 Kindles from Amazon and they sent me a Two Ronnie's DVD.

Relationship tip #25: Don't get upset with him when he leaves the toilet seat up. This actually helps you because by leaving it up, he enables you to see when the underneath of the seat needs cleaning without him having to mention it to you.

To apply for a job with Citroen it is necessary to send 2CVs

The metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the 9mm bullet.

Always have an opinion. Then do it your G/F's way like you were bloody told to in the first place.

DD