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+--- Thread: Jokes (/showthread.php?tid=198)
Jokes - Lord Snooty - 12-09-2014
"Breaking News"
The inventor of the Anagram has died...may he "erect a penis"....
Courtesy of Sickipedia.org: http://www.sickipedia.org/other/anagrams/breaking-news-the-inventor-of-the-anagram-has-died-may-1589717#ixzz3D3AFwM38
RE: Jokes - Lord Snooty - 26-09-2014
I came home from work and my wife said, "I washed your England shirt for you today."
I said, "What England shirt?"
She said, "The red one that was in the frame on the wall. Whoever Bobby Moore is, tell him to stop drawing all over your clothes."
Courtesy of Sickipedia.org: http://www.sickipedia.org/sports/football/i-came-home-from-work-and-my-wife-said-i-970011#ixzz3ESb8RUnB
What do Manchester United and Richard the Third have in common?
They both got buried in Leicester.
Courtesy of Sickipedia.org: http://www.sickipedia.org/sports/football/what-do-manchester-united-and-richard-the-third-have-in-1593625#ixzz3ESbQATOz
RE: Jokes - TheDaddy - 01-10-2014
I've just had a medical the doctor said "don't eat anything fatty", I replied "what like bacon and burgers" and he went "no fatty don't eat anything"
RE: Jokes - Wereham Owl - 16-10-2014
A Marine boarded a train on his way home from deployment. The train was quite crowded, and the Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat. There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed middle-aged French woman, but when he got there he saw it was taken by the woman's poodle.
The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" The French woman sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat available was under that dog. "Please, Ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired," he asked again. She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!" This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window and sat down. The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor! Put this American in his place!"
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up. "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window
RE: Jokes - spireitematt - 03-11-2014
BREAKING NEWS!!!!
There's been a fight in the biscuit tin, a lad called Rocky hit a Penguin over the head with a Club, tied him to a Wagon Wheel with a Blue Ribbon and made his Breakaway in a Taxi. Police say Rocky was last seen just After Eight in Maryland with a Ginger Nut known to police as Rich T. They didn't leave a crumb of evidence so the Jammi Dodger got away with it!!!!
Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker. It was After Eight. They got off at Quality Street. He asked her name "Polo, I'm the one with the hole" she said with a Wispa. "I'm Marathon the one with the nuts" he replied. He touched her Creme Eggs and slipped his hand into her Snickers. He fondled her Flapjacks and she rubbed his Tic Tacs. It was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight. But 3 days later his Sherbet Dib-Dab started to itch. Turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett and he's got Bloody Allsorts!!!
RE: Jokes - themaclad - 03-11-2014
Backing a team in a Hertfordshire County Cup match who were two up and are now losing 5-3 that's funny NOT
RE: Jokes - spireitematt - 23-11-2014
The inventor of predictive text has died.
His funfair will be hello on Sundial.