[theo_luddite]

Och aye - I'd love to see him playing wiff-waff with the great Scottish midge clouds. They are similar to the North Pennine midge clouds in appearance, but your midges carry ice axes, wear crampons on their feet and have teeth like tigers. The following day, the one-a-day anti-histamine pills you can buy down the supermarket just don't cut it. 2, 3 or 4 a day more or less start to control the urge not to scratch yourself to death.

Rumour had it he'd gone north to bag a brace or two on the Glorious 12th. Methinks the only grouse he'd bag would be the liquid stuff that comes out of a Famous Grouse bottle. Then he could lie about the number he'd shot, which would actually be the number of shots (or wee drams) he'd sank.